Saturday, August 16, 2008

AN OPEN LETTER PENNED TO THE ASS PHUCK THAT INVADED MY FAMILIES SPACE AND STOLE OUR SHEEOT

Although I will continue to blog about food, I have had so much CRAPPOLA happen to me lately that I feel compelled to slightly change the forum.

Friday, Aug. 15, 2008
11:50 AM

I leave the house with my husband and 2 children and drive down the street to Old Mill Bakery for a sandwhich. Eat a pleasant meal.....engage in family banter.

1:00 pm
Drive home. Walk in through garage door to the kitchen area. My eyes are drawn to the floor as I see a piece of SHEARED OFF moulding. As my eyes focus....my brain is trying to process WHY IN THE HELL MOLDING IS ON MY FLOOR 18 FEET AWAY FROM MY FRENCH DOORS. Instead of looking at the doors (that are wide phucking open), I pick up the molding and look up to my ceiling wondering WHERE it came from. When I didn't see anything that matched up, I happen to look forward and see my french door wide open w/the dead bolt STILL engaged and all the molding sheared off. Again....brain is not processing properly. Thinking to self....why is my door broken......surely my CAT didn't do this. Why would someone kick my door in.....BIG PHUCKING DUH! So as I continue toward my door which is 18 feet from where I had sheared off molding I happen to look to my right and see a big empty space where my 42 inch PHUCKING PLASMA TV USED TO BE. OH, OK, now I get it.........so I proceed into my bedroom where there is a BIG EMPTY PHUCKING SPACE WHERE MY 37 INCH PLASMA TV USED TO BE. Glad they took the Blu-ray player also because the movies look FAN-PHUCKIN-TASTIC on them (hope you have netflix, it is such a good deal). SORRY YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE CONTROLS YOU DUMB ASS MUTHER PHUCKERS! Or perhaps you were a bit short on time since I was only gone, at most, 1 1/2 hours. Glad you were smart enough to hit the garage door and back in next to my husbands car and load up the items. I wouldn't have wanted you to walk out the front door and have to carry it all the way around to the driveway. I apologize that you had to jump my 10 ft privacy fence that had padlocked gates and walk through the woods and get your sneaks all dirty in order to get to my deck in order to kick in my french doors. Next time...give me a jingle, I will leave the door open for you. Surely to God, you needed these items MUCH MORE THAN I DID. Thank you for leaving my house neat....I was actually quite surprised by this. I apologize for all the dust under the tv's also........I hope it didn't aggravate your allergies, but I AM a mom of 2 young toddlers, dusting is not a priority. All I can say is, You are a couple of lucky dumb ass muther phuckers that I was not home when you decided to pull a rambo off my deck and into my house....I would have had one of two choices.....Shank your sorry ass juggler with my Sanko Cleaver or pull a Joe Horn on your ass. Either would have satisfied me just fine..........and no, it wouldn't have been over the tv's. I could care less about the tv's. It would have been because you invaded MY PHUCKING SPACE. MY SPACE. MY LOCKED PHUCKING SPACE. If you INVADE MY LOCKED OR OPEN PHUCKING SPACE AGAIN I WILL BE HAPPY TO BLOW YOUR ASS OFF MY DECK WITH A SHOTGUN WHICH I LEARNED TO SHOOT IN 6TH GRADE AT PIONEER RANCH AT TITUSVILLE HIGH SCHOOL. Thankfully I was not home and no one was harmed...Although, I got no problem shooting your ass if that was not the case.

The kicker is.....the same scum ass shit faces that are building our houses are employed by these cheap ass builders... and are the same scum ass dirt bag phuck heads that are ripping us off AFTER we move into these homes. These are the same low life dick-wads that are coming back to do touch up work AFTER we have moved in and can see where our security systems are, what kind they are, where are tv's are, the layouts of our houses etc. Pardon me for my husband and myself working our asses to the BONE for 20 years to afford this life. We did it the HARD WAY. So, I hope your lazy fat ass is sitting in a broken down recliner w/worn out fabric, drinking your Forty or your Crunk Juice, playing the playstation or possibly watching a porno in blu-ray on my 42 inch plasma while smoking a joint as a drug deal is going down on your street corner. I'm glad you can sleep at night because I certainly can and Karma is a bitch.

Unfortunately, Joe Horn is not my neighbor but a girl can dream.



This guy here also knows who you are and saw the whole deal go down and if and when he starts talking you better hope your ass is NOWHERE to be found. I got no problem shooting yer ass and dragging you back into my house for a 2nd round.

And if you have been living in a box and DON'T know who Joe Horn is.....please feel free to click on the left hand side top you tube video......you won't be sorry.

A couple more side notes IF you are still reading: Brinks guy says to me "Little Rock is 3rd in crime in the Nation and 1st In break-in's in the Nation".

Me to Brinks guy: "So where do these tv's go?? Pawn shop??? Because tomorrow is Saturday and my sorry ass is prepared to visit every pawn shop in the city to get my tv's back". Brink's guy "No, they get sold on the street for $200, they can trace them in a pawn shop". Me, "So where does one go to buy my tv on the street. I have no problem trolling for my own tv." I have no problem buying my own tv back for $300 when I have to go to Best Buy and drop $1500 for it. I was unfortunately talked out of this option.

AND.....even though this major event happened on Friday it didn't trump the best news of ALL. I got an all clear in the mail Friday that my yearly pap was all clear, my mammo was all clear AND my cholesterol dropped 29 pts. So my cancer free va-j-j and lump free boobs and artery clogging free arteries TRUMP any jack-ass stealing my possessions. I have my health and that is WAY better than any phucking tv.

I hope y'all got as much enjoyment reading this post as I did writing it!

10 comments:

Ann Miller said...

that sucks on so many different levels!! you're right, tho, karma has a way of making things right!! positive side--getting phat and fat checks in the mail from your insurance company and going to buy all new tvs, french doors, ect!! i am also sad if your boys had to see it; if they are anything like my 3 and 4 yo, you will rehash the story over 1 zillion times and get scared every night before bed that the bad guys will come in while you're sleeping; does your insurance cover at least a yr of therapy and/or medicine?
sorry and i can only imagine if they had laid their grimmy hands on ANYTHING in your kitchen!!!!!!! you would redefine joe horn! (and if it's the joe horn from new orleans, you can thank me later!)

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

No one has lost one wink of sleep over it. Kids never asked a thing except where the tv was.

Lora said...

SO sorry. Worse than the things is someone invading your sanctuary.

adrian seney said...

I am so sorry that happened to you and your family. I cannot imagine what that must be like. Hopefully, things will get better soon.

Leah said...

I. Cannot. Even. Imagine.

What a creepy feeling. I'm so sorry that that happened to you.

I've learned my lesson; I've been a total slacker this summer with carelessly leaving the house unlocked while I run one kid here or there; I'm lockin' up from now on. But I guess lockin' up didn't even help you! I guess if someone wants 'in' badly enough they make it happen. Yuk.

Danielle said...

Holy cow, S. I'm so sorry! Ugh.

StickyGooeyCreamyChewy said...

I'm so sorry that this happened to you! It's a sick feeling to know that someone has violated your home. Try not to let it get the better of you. Just be extra careful about security.

Another Stacie! said...

I've never even read a blog before, but I know you and I could be friends! I'm so glad you weren't home! Your words are so right on! I'd drag 'em back in too! Take care!

Michael said...

Indeed, what a scary experience. I cannot even imagine how terrifying that must have been for you.

Glad all are ok.

Brooke & Freeland said...

1. Im so glad your blogging more again.
2. Ive been behind on checking blogs so Im just now reading this
3. oh.my.lanta.
4. Who knew you could make a break in so humorous!? Freeland is studying next to me & I kept interrupting him saying.. okay its not funny that her house was broken into but listen to what she said.. he eventually just had to read the whole thing!
5. Im on to read the rest of your posts now. Sorry that happened!