Friday, April 4, 2008

Hawt Dawg Apologies

A hot dog is a type of fully-cooked, cured and/or smoked moist sausage of soft, even, texture and flavor. It is usually placed hot in a soft, sliced bun of approximately the same length as the sausage, and optionally garnished with condiments and toppings. Also called frankfurters, frank, weenie, wienie, wiener, dog, and red hot.Every year, Americans consume on average 60 hot dogs.
Today I was preparing to run to Fresh Market to pick up a couple of items. Before I was to leave the house, my 4 year old son looks at me with eyes as wide as saucepans and says "Can you buy me some hawt dawgs"? I looked at him a bit surprised and said "Come again"...."did you say hawt dawgs"?. He said "yes". I reply with "Where did you hear of hawt dawgs"?

Now mind you....I am not a hawt dawg hater. We just don't eat them. I mean, maybe twice a year on the grill. I remember cooking them one time last summer and it was only because Tyler Florence did THE ULTIMATE CHILI DOG. And oh it was. It was fantastic. I also love a Portillo's Hot Dog from Chicago. I am not a dog snob, I swear. I kick myself in the ass everyday for never going to Pink's in L.A. when I lived there for 1 1/2 years.

A Hawt Dawg can also be: Someone who likes to show-off or standout. Can be used as a synonym for douche bag.

Anyway, back to the boy. I reply with "Where did you hear of hawt dawgs"? He states "In the movie Transformers". (yeah I let my kid watch Transformers, so sue me). So I say "Sure, I will see if they have some hawt dawgs"....knowing full well that Fresh Market probably doesn't have hawt dawgs but if they do, they will be Hebrew National. Hebrew National Kosher are the only dawgs I will buy. I guess I feel safe knowing the sodium erthobate (ie:worms) are blessed by the Rabbi. I mean, if you are going to eat creepy crawlies you might as well get the ones that have been prayed over, right???

I go through the checkout.......pineapple, POM, red grapefruit, herbed goat cheese, olive oil, dried black beans, sundried tomatoes, tortellini, ricotta, peppers, KAF AP flour, White Lilly Self rising flour, coconut, yo baby yogurt, coconut get the point. The check out lady says "wow, someone must be quite the home chef"......just then the HOT DOGS AND BUNS get scanned. I start fidgeting nervously and trying not to look at the guy behind me...judging me for buying hot dogs. I then strike up a conversation with checkout lady telling her the hot dog story with my son and laughing nervously and having rapid eye movement....feeling like I have to apologize for buying hot dogs.....or for giving my kid hot dogs. WHO FEEDS THEIR KIDS HOT DOGS???? I mean on July 4th it is ok......a bbq at the beach is ok.....the annual block party is ok, but you don't let your kid dine on hawt dawgs regularly.

The Dachshund is notorious for looking like a hot dog (the most likely reason that hot dogs got their name was their likeness to the dachshund).

I dash home and I don't even get in the door.....the little scrawny fellow was waiting for me with baited breath. Did you get hot dogs....did they have hot dogs?? Yes, I say but you are going to have to wait until I get this unpacked. Every 5 seconds....I want a hot dog....can I have a hot dog. I finally pull the dawgs out and he gives me a blank look, a quizzical look, very puzzled and says "Those aren't hawt dawgs". WHAT???????????????? I plop the dawg in boiling water and turn the heat off and let the dawg sit for 5 minutes, Pull the dawg out, throw it in a bun, ketchup, mustard...........present it to him........he takes one bite, fidgets with it for 4 minutes and says "I want some carrots". He proceeds to eat a half bag of baby carrots and that was the end of the hawt dog and my sanity!!

According to the a Hot Dog is also:
When you are standing or walking someplace with your dik hanging out of your zipper.

1. Before I went home on my last day of work, I hot dogged Juanita in her cubicle.

2. I was hot dogging for a half hour at the concert before the bouncer told me to put it away!

3. I dare you to hot dog the clerk while asking where the banana hammock's are.
(my purrrrrsonal favorite)


k said...

Hysterical that. Great stuff!!

j*amy said...

oh my gosh, first off, that dog in the hot dog bun is so disturbing! hah i've seen it before...ughghg!

also! thanks for the link on the cupcakes. they have some cool things.

also, in regards to the note, i thought the same thing. could have been a lot less rude! however, i recall my previous meeting at that company...same time, same day...did i park in that spot that time too? and the person was nice enough to just let it be...but this time...wasn't? hmmm...

StickyGooeyCreamyChewy said...

I adore hot dogs! I know they're bad for me, but they are a guilty pleasure. I only eat them out, so I tell myself it's okay, since I don't make them at home.

I recently bought some Oscar Mayer uncured nitrate/nitrite free dogs. I haven't tried the yet, but I'll let you know when I do.