I Am A Marxine

This was forwarded to me from my Aunt Mary Lou. I in NO WAY take credit for this but thought it was hysterical. Since it deals w/the very source of what I talk about I had to post it.

*Martha's Way* Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
*Maxine's Way * Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

*Martha's Way*To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
*Maxine's Way*Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

*Martha's Way*When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
*Maxine's Way*Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

*Martha's Way*If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
*Maxine's Way*If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

*Martha's Way*Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
*Maxine's Way*Celery? Never heard of it!

*Martha's Way*Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
*Maxine's Way*The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

*Martha's Way*Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
*Maxine's Way*Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

*Martha's Way*If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
*Maxine's Way*Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

*Martha's Way*Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
*Maxine's Way*Leftover wine??????????? HELLLLLOOOOO !!!!!!!