Orgasmatron Cookies

I was a little concerned at this point

Holy Crappola!

Perhaps Jacques Torres should rename his "French Kiss" cookies......"ORGASMIC COOKIES".

~one out one babies agree

Of course, who could argue with chocolate disks as big as your friggin head?????

V-I-R-G-I-N

Okay, now I know this is how most men like their women and it is definately how Paul Newman likes his lemonade, but apparently this is how Williams and Sonoma like their Polypropylene. I had to run in for an oven thermometer and a new square baking stone and happened upon a grippboard......why not, I say. I get it home and start unwrapping it and it clearly states on the board that it is *drum roll puhleaze* brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrum

100% Virgin Polypropylene. I guess that means that my cutting board will be free of STD's and any other funky lurking stuff from down under.........fromundacheeze as some people say. For those of you that don't know........that is cheezefromundayourballs. Need I say more???

Assumptions Make an ASS out of You or I mean, ME

King Arthur Flour Jacques Torres French Kiss Cookie Mix.

I don't usually buy a lot of mixes.......I try to make most from scratch so I can stay away from most of that added "whatchamajunk" they put in everything. I will save my "whatchamajunk" for McDonalds, Taco Bell etc. I am going to try and make these tonight w/Mr. Maxwell. He wants to make cookies since Daddy is coming home tonight.

Funny Story and a "DOH" moment: Looking on the back of the box it states.....1/2 cup butter, cookie mix, 1 large egg and bag of chocolate disks. Well, I assumed that since I have to provide the butter, egg, and bought the cookie mix that I had to provide the chocolate disks also. Well, you can clearly see in the picture that the chocolate portion "runs"...it doesn't stay in a disk. So, of course, w/out opening the box.....I call KAF and ask customer service if "chocolate disks" is there way of saying "chocolate chips" or was I supposed to buy special "chocolate disks". Because I don't know about you........but I don't have ANY chocolate chips in my pantry that are going to melt like that in the oven........they hold there shape......hence the "chip" part. The lady on the phone says "hmmm you don't have any chocolate disks in your box".....DOH...now WHY would a know it all self-proclaimed foodie open up the box prior to calling???? Only a sane person would do that. So I open the box up and the golden ticket presented itself......CHOCOLATE DISKS RIGHT ON TOP......FRICKING AMAZING........perhaps next time I should check before assuming. You know what they say about assumptions.........they make an ass out of you or I mean, ME. Lesson learned!!!!

Food In Da'Hood...The Rize and Fall and Rize of a Ghetto Blog

I really didn't know what to write about today. This has been a pretty slow week where food is concerned. Hubby is away on business and I am not going to cook for a 4 year old and a 1 year old that eat about a tablespoon of food and then proudly proclaim they are done or "i don wike yat" (I don't like that). My 19 year old works most nights and will scavenge whatever is in the fridge in a ziploc container and whisk it up to his room like a hermit and eat it cold. I have had a few free moments the last couple of days to look at some other food blogs on blogger. I must of been in blog denial...........some of these sites are amazing. I look like ghetto blog compared to most of these........staged food, perfect pictures, desserts that look like they should be in a jewelry store window, comments galore on their sites. WOW to be like that. I felt inferior....thinking why am I even bothering. My blog is ghetto BIG TIME, this is too much pressure, no one really reads anyway, in the scheme of life is this really important???? No, perhaps I should quit blogging. Then I really got to thinking.....I didn't start doing this to "stage my food"........my food isn't fake. I am not making food for the readers. I make food for MY family and for MY creative outlet. I make food for US to enjoy not cyberspace. Don't get me wrong....it is nice to get comments good or bad, I don't get offended, but it is very easy to get caught up in this "my food needs to look picture perfect or I can't post it". I post everything.......the good, the bad, the ugly and the garbage. I think that is what sets me apart......I post my mistakes. I am not purrrrrfect. My food is not for magazines or tv.......my food is real. It comes out of the oven and we eat it like real people. I find a toasted cheeze just as interesting as a Filet w/a mushroom duxelle. I will crave a 'nilla wafer just as much as a light airy french macroon. I love going to McDonalds just as much as 1620 Restaraunt. I am the same no matter what I am eating or where I am eating. I am who I am. I say what I want....and post pics of what I want....I don't clean up my blog.......Of course, my favorite postings are ones that are about comical food experiences. I would much rather post a funny food story than a picture of something I have baked. But I am not a comic either........I can't just pull funny food stories out of my ass everyday of the week. Although that would be nice but not realistic. I started blogging to keep a food diary. My ultimate goal is to make homemade cookbooks to give each of my children when they leave the nest and I decided to start this blog so I would have an archive to pull from when I have the time to get this project started. The funny stories will just be an added bonus. Kind of like a huge food scrapbook. I think Snoop Dog would be proud.

~Of course, no one wants their food to look like a plate someone just threw up on either but it is what it is.

Scrumptious Supper~

WHY Couldn't I Have Thought Of This????

www.foodporn.com

When The Cat Is Away.....The Mice Make Mushroom Soup

Whenever the hubby aka "coffee poser", has to go out of town on business, I usually make something I wouldn't dream of fixing when he is home. Hubby HATES mushrooms. Quite frankly, he hasn't given them a fair shake but that is a whole other story. I had picked up a Cook's Illustrated Magazine at Fresh Market a couple of weeks ago on Soups & Stews. They had a creamy mushroom soup in there which sounded delectable. I LOVE MUSHROOMS!!! Our 19 year old son likes mushrooms also.............so.........I made the soup this afternoon. It is filled w/shrooms, cream, sherry, shallots, garlic and chicken stock......then whirl w/immersion blender inside the hot pot. It is very tasty......not as thick as I was hoping for....but tasty nonetheless. A baby lettuce salad and some grilled ciabatta w/olive oil and rubbed w/garlic.

Tonight I have a good read.....I will nestle up w/my new book......courtesy of a friend's discount at Barnes Noble. Artisan Bread In Five Minutes a Day~The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking. I definately have a learning curve where bread is concerned. I am excited to dig into this book.

Note to Self: Sherry tastes pretty damn good straight out the bottle~what a pleasant surprise that WAS.

Foodie Pet Peeve (drum roll) FOUR

LEMONS

Why is it when you order iced tea in a restaurant they always refill your glass of tea but NEVER EVER EVER bring a fresh lemon slice/wedge. NEVER.......they don't even offer. If my tea is gone....guess what einstein......so is the friggin lemon......the wedge is spent if I have squeezed it and slurrrrped all my tea down. DUH, why is this so hard??? I swear, if I was a waitress, which I am not and never have been and probably wouldn't last 1 day if I had to be, but I would give a fresh lemon wedge EVERYTIME I refilled a glass of tea or you can smack me on the ass and call me Mary.

...................................................................end of complaint

Just Food~

Our Saturday night Pizza on the BGE ritual turned into Sunday night this week. Friday night was supposed to be Grilled Alaskan Salmon but my husband decided he wanted another Reuben, so that in turn pushed the salmon to Saturday and the pizza to Sunday. I put some crushed rosemary, dried thyme and roasted garlic powder in the dough and made just a plain tomato sauce w/ 2% mozzarella, 2% cheddar, smoked gouda and some asiago and then I made one with basil pesto, roma tomato, fresh mozzarella and asiago. The usual baby lettuce salad that we eat every night of the week and a strawberry italian soda. Leftover bread dough resulted in the semi-round baked concoction up above that I just filled with cinnamon filling from KAF and almond schmear from KAF.....rolled it up and brushed w/1 T butter, sprinkled sliced almonds and turbinado (raw) sugar over top and baked until it looked done.

Foodie Offends

Some people can be soooooo sensitive. I am NOT one of those people. It takes a hell of a lot to offend me if you can do it at all. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.......I can agree to disagree and continue on with my conversation. I don't get my panties in a twist easily. About 5 years ago I worked for WPIC of UPMC (western psychiatric institute for university of pittsburgh medical center)........yes, I worked w/the crazies. This was actually my 3rd job with the crazies.....do you notice a pattern here hehehehe. Anyway.......this is a food story, really it is. We were going to have an office Christmas Party Potluck at one of the therapists' house. Since I was the office manager and the food officianado, I sent out the email and posted the sign up sheet on what to bring. I told everyone to think long and hard about their culinary selection. This one part-time therapist in the office w/a German heritage signs up to bring Pork & Sauerkraut........yes, you heard me right.........your eyes are not deceiving you........Pork & Sauerkraut. HUH?????? Is this a really bad joke????? Who signs up for an office Christmas Party Potluck to bring Pork & Sauerkraut???? Apparently she was going to go all out and bring it in a crockpot. Now mind you, I know she was of German Heritage but she wasn't just off the beer stein.........she was one of us.......she didn't speak German, she wasn't brought over here against her will at age 12......she was born and raised here.....she knows the rules, she should know the etiquette. People want bacon wrapped scallops, tricuits and assorted imported cheeses, cured meats w/a selection of olives and roasted peppers, spiced nutz, fondue, NOT PORK & SAUERKRAUT. I politely send out an email, not naming any names, but merely requesting that certain individuals rethink their selections for the office potluck and perhaps bring a dish with a bit more cheer, fun and merriment and not something that is going to stink up the joint like a bad case of gasssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Said woman gets ALL OFFENDED and boycotts Christmas Party. Sheeeeeesh, I should have been the one offended that someone was trying to bring Meat and Cabbage that smells like a rotten ass into my Festive Christmas Office Potluck. Did I get offended..........nooooooooooooo.........therapists can be sooooooo touchy. This same woman has a husband named "Garth"........who names their child Garth???? Need I say more??????? I think about this now and again and I still get a great chuckle out of this.

R.I.P.

This is another R.I.P. (rest in peace) edition of the foodie's blog. Now and again, we have a food item and sometimes even an appliance that leaves us unexpectedly. This is Mr. Chewy Granola Cranberry Bars w/Barry Callebaut Chocolate Chips. Mr. Granola went to sleep w/the fishes yesterday evening. For whatever reason, Mr. Granola would not get hard. Not even hard enough for chewy. Perhaps he needed some viagra.........whatever his problem was....as much as I hated to throw out something with Barry Callebaut chocolate chips, he couldn't get it up so he got left in the dust. RIP.

Look Ma, I Have Had Ice Cream 3 Nights In A Row!!!