Life, Liberty and the Pursuit for Ho Ho's

Good Bye Peeps

2009-01-29T21:07:00.000-08:00

I am outta here.........................

You can find me on facebook..........there is where I will be posting my stuff. Just a quicker easier way that doesn't require much time and thought and effort that I just dont' have right now.

I am under Stacey Birtciel Swanson

Salted Nut Roll Bars Suck Arse

2009-01-09T10:46:00.000-08:00

Or maybe it is me that sucks arse.......but either way I am blaming it on the recipe. I have pictures but I don't feel like uploading them. In actuality, the bars look fantastic......although they are a disguise of evil. I don't even really want to blog about it. It's over, they are in the garbage where they belong and maybe this weekends new Boston Cream Pie recipe will make up for them. Salted Nut Roll Bars are the bastard child of unsalted nut roll bars. Okay, I made that up.

Anywhoooo's

Tonight I am making pizza on the Big Green Egg. It is one of my favorite things to do and is my specialty. I am "known" for my pizzas. Tonight I am going top my crust with herbed olive oil, a 4 cheese blend (hormone free of course because I don't need my cows hopped up on estrogen I got a enough of that), thinly sliced pan roasted filet mignon, roasted red and yellow peppers and some sharp white cheddar. Going to pair that with a BLT salad of romaine hearts, grape tomatoes and crumbled bacon with some asiago and cracked peppercorn dressing. Dessert is store bought since the bastard arse nut rolls didn't turn out.....either a chocolate mousse or some apple blossoms. Cardio paddles are always close at hand....just chew the baby aspirin if you feel a heart attack coming on, it hits the blood stream faster. This is why I chug a flaxmeal smoothie every morning for breakfast with some shooters of Triple Omega 3 fish oil capsules...you can never start to early.

I leave you with a past pizza photo........olive oil base, mozzarella, asiago, italian turkey sausage, roasted red and yellow peppers and crumbled goat cheese, fresh oregano/basil/italian parsley. COME TO PAPA!

This is my apple pie pizza, which is the heading picture of my blog.

ABC of Yoga
Today I leave you with Salabhasana or Locust Pose...........

There is no better high than being in a silent room with a swarm of sweaty locusts.

I Am Making It A Stouffer's Night

2009-01-07T11:08:00.000-08:00

I am quite embarrassed to admit that tonight will be a Stouffer's Night! There, I said it. Chastise me as you see fit, I deserve it.

We are having a hillbilly supper at the Swanson's tonight. I haven't decided between the individual meatloaves or the chicken enchiladas. Of course I haven't completely lost my faculties and it will be paired with an heirloom lettuce salad, sprinkled with roasted pecans, dried cranberries and some shredded asiago drizzled with some extra virgin olive oil and sea salt. There are some nights though, when I quite frankly, just don't have it together. So either Schwans or Stouffers saves my arse. Fresh Market is also great for some quick white wine and herb rotisserie chickens and they have great soup.

My yoga classes during the week start at 5:00........so on those nights it throws my "gourmet" game off.

Bad news or good news, depending on how you view this blog. My Dell laptop that had been struggling with asthma for the last year finally gave in and took his last breath 2 mornings ago (I am sure it did not help that I punched him square in the gh section of the keyboard either). It was time....he had wanted me to pull the plug for sometime but I kept the life support running. Unfortunately for me......most of my pictures that I had saved and not posted of my culinary treasures are gone forever. Of course I hadn't gotten around to uploading my things to a safe haven, who has time to do that on a regular basis?? Not me.

Anywho's....so I am picture less today.

I am however, very excited that I received my new Cuisine at Home and it has the Creamiest and Sweetest Boston Cream Pie you have ever laid eyes on. Not only does it have the luscious yellow cake but there is also a layer of chocolate cake right smack in the middle. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps this weekend I can grace my up dog thighs with this beast of a cake or is it a pie??? Then I will gladly share with my online folks.

For now, I leave you with this
compliments of ABC of Yoga
Virabhadrasana I or Warrior 1 pose......cuz every woman should have a strong warrior lurking inside her body just waiting to kick some out of line ass...if need be.

Per Wiki~A Boston cream pie is a round cake that is split and filled with a custard or cream filling and frosted with chocolate.

Created by French chef M. Sanzian at Boston's Parker House Hotel, opened in 1855, this pudding/cake combination comprises two layers of sponge cake filled with vanilla custard or crème pâtissière. The cake is topped with a chocolate glaze (such as ganache) and sometimes confectioner's sugar or a cherry.

New Year's Resolutions are for Wussies

2009-01-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

New Years Resolution~
The things you promise yourself you will do over the year, but quit after the first 2 weeks.

I have NEVER been one for resolutions. You either phucking do it or you don't......why do you need Jan. 1 to make a new path for yourself??? Why can't you start it on May 16 at 3:30 in the afternoon??? No one ever goes through with them.

The one thing I am definately not looking forward to is the gym on Monday. For people like me, who have been exercising their ass off since 1992 religiously for 6, sometimes 7 days a week it pisses me off to go into the gym after the first of the year and not be able to find a machine to work on or someone has all of a sudden moved their fat unlimber arse into my.....MY MY MY MY yoga spot. The yoga spot that is MINE.....all mine. EVERYONE there knows it is mine....they don't phuck with my spot. I thought about putting caution tape around my spot before I left Monday night but the yogi just frowned at me.

I have decided to join in on this nonsense though and make some resolutions........although these are resolutions I know I can keep.

#1 Continue to eat and cook as much yummy food as possible without gaining a pound.
#2 Continue to yoga my ass off while balancing a cinnamon roll on each arse cheek while doing a shoulder stand (now if I could only take a bite of the roll in this pose my life would be complete).
#3 And last but not least, continue to display my Child's Holiday Artwork on My Bottles of Alcohol.

Yes, that IS a TeePee on some Tortuga Light Rum......fits quite nicely

And what paperbag turkey wouldn't be happy celebrating his Thanksgiving atop a bottle of Capn' Morgan Coconut Rum????

What??? It is all for cooking, give me a break, sheesh.
Don't you EVER say I don't have class honey, cuz I got class!!!!!!!!

HAPPY FRICKIN' 2009!!!!!!! A Reflection On Christmas Foodie Delights of 2008!!!!

2009-01-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

I rang my New Year in with a little bit o'this..................Chocolate Carmel Lava Cake with a scoop of Vanilla Blue Bell (best ice cream in the south). I only ate 1/2 of it, I swear. Dana ate his and the rest of mine......then complained the rest of the movie (Juno) oooooh oh why did I eat all of that. Gluttonous perhaps??

Here is a continuation of the previous blog about the King Arthur Flour stuffed walnut cookies. Chocolate hazelnut and white chocolate hazelnut filling spread between and then sandwiched together.

I can't believe I didn't put these on a plate for a more appropriate picture, but you know me, Miss Inappropriate....even in Christmas Cookies.

These little rounds of heaven are the beginnings of Gourmet Magazines 2007 Peppermint Patties. My smudge of chocolate on the parchment paper is uber professional.

These are absolutely amazingly simple to make and soooooo delicious. They keep for a month in the fridge. I usually freeze mine between parchment paper but find that I keep sneaking one or two throughout the day. They are very yummy cold.

This bubbly concoction comes from Gourmet Magazines 2008 Christmas Cookie selection.

Looking purrrty damn good.......yeah I know it is not a cookie, give me a break.

It was their recipe for a brittle.

It was like a sundae without the ice cream. Although you could have been really bad and beat the bejeezus out of it and sprinkled it over ice cream. Everyone needs the bejeezus beat out of them occasionally and especially during the holidays when they get out of line. This wasn't one of those "break your teeth into shards" type-o-brittle either which made it all the better.....no dentist bill is ALWAYS a plus.

Have I lost you yet???? c'mon, I know your attention span.......this can't be easy for you. If you are still following......I am very impressed, Kudos to you. I tried to include lots 'o pictures for you non-reading folks.

I basically had TWO food Phuck-Ups for Christmas 2008. This was one of them.

What started out as a wonderful fruity Italian Panettone turned out to be a nasty disgusting bread o'shit. I have decided to make this the Foodie Quote of the year 2008.

The bread smelled wonderful.....fruity and heavenly....I even purchased fiori di scilia for the authentic Panettone flavor. The dough was fabulous.....it baked up perfectly but when you bit into it........it was what you would imagine vomit to taste like. I couldn't even bare to take a picture of the finished product. Phuck-up #1 down.....1 to go ho ho ho.

Phuck-up #2 Aunt Bill's Brown Candy (yes, I said Aunt Bill)

You start with a water and sugar syrup and simmer until amber or golden brown for you color challenged individuals. Trust me....this is not an easy task....try it sometime.

Then you add in a cream and sugar mixture and boil until hard ball stage (no, not blue balls....hard balls, which I guess sounds just as raunchy). After that it all went to hell. I tried to make this hellish candy 3 friggin times. 3rd time was supposed to be the charm. I can't remember where I got this recipe....it was either bon appetit or gourmet or one of those thousands of cooking mags I subscribe to....Fortunately for Martha (Stewart of course), this wasn't her fault. It came with a quippy little family story and how the recipe was passed down through generations, it pulled at your heart strings and for an uncompassionate bitch like me-self that aint often. Well someone along the line phucked up something cause I couldn't get the sheot to turn out to save my life. It is always best to blame others for our own setbacks......keeps the mind healthy and strong.

Here are the kiddos......2 of them anyway. Decorating Christmas Tree Sugar Cut-outs for Santa Claus.

I swear we all have diabetes after eating these.........

Click on these tree pics to blow them up....they look damn fine. I decorate a mean tree, if I do say so myself.

Last, but not least, this is our elusive College Student (Don't worry, he had no hand in any of the food preparation, with hair like that are you kidding me??? Although, Starbucks loves him). He decided to grace us with his presence for 3 days with his common law wife (heheheheh sitting next to him). He blew in and blew out of here and is back in Omaha making us proud at the University of Nebraska. Majoring in Chemistry with the intent to go to Pharmacy School at the University of Nebraska Medical Center. I know he looks more like a street pharmacist than someone you would find in Walgreens (we tease him that he looks like Captain Caaaaave Man)but he loves that head of hair of his and we love him for loving it!!!!!!!! Get a tat' already dude, it's time.

I really need to update more often....this was exhausting.

This IS Where the Obsessive Comes in..........

2008-12-26T12:16:00.000-08:00

Since us "perimenopausal" women should not be embibbing caffeinated beverages I decided to bite the bullet and literally throw myself into the world of TEA. I have a plethora of choices now. Obsessive??? Perhaps.....but I always go "BIG" when I do anything. Who can resist the Berry Blossom White, or the Carmel Nut, or the Pumpkin Spice or my purrrrsonal fave drum rrrrrolllll puhleaze "The TAZO Organic Apple Red", this is a sweet African red tea with real apple, cinnamon and the flavor of caramel.

Those of you that know me, know I love my yoga, I love me my organic and I use cinnamon as perfume.

~Did you know it can take the average women up to 10 hours to metabolize a cup of coffee????? YIKES

Parivrtta Parsvakonasanaor Revolved Side Angle Pose

This is what dreams are made of.......since Christmas Eve landed on Wed....our selfish yoga instructor decided to spend time with his family (how dare he) and so I have been without class since Monday........UGH. Thankfully we have class tomorrow. A jumping sun at home is never the same without your room full of sweaty male and female yogis.

Here are the beginings of the stuffed walnut cookies from King Arthur Flour (KAF)

These were an absolute dream to make

Here they are popped out after baking. These were stuffed with white chocolate hazlenut cream and dark chocolate hazlenut cream and then sandwhiched together. Since the other pictures aren't loaded yet........you will have to wait for the finished product.

I am soooo far behind on posting my culinary delights..........I don't think I will ever catch up.

Sarvangasana Cinnamon Roll Arse A.K.A Shoulder Stand Whilst Balancing Cinnamon Roll on Ass

2008-12-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

Try doing one of these~

~courtesy of abc yoga

With one of these on each arse cheek~

Taint an easy task let me tell you~

Challah dough from Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day, filled with King Arthur Flour Baker's Cinnamon Filling and then glazed with some cream cheese, powder sugar, cream and a little butter and a splash of maple extract.

Read this in the Titusville Herald~Cherrytree News
Important News About Reindeer

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

DUH!!!! Is all I can say

IT WAS FUN BUT NOW I AM DONE!

2008-09-28T16:34:00.001-07:00

Adios Amigos!

Warning Offensive Language heheheh but isn't it always

2008-09-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

There are many reasons why I love my eldest son...........this ranks right up there at the top of the list. He has his own strong opinions and is not afraid to express them!

Yesterday I received a text msg from him while on his way to school.........

"I better not have to pay for this cocksucking Wall Street bail out.......this is your generations fault.......not mine"

Perhaps another mother would have been deeply offended, but he is a chip of the ol'block. That is my boy through and through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So So So Far Behind.............................

2008-09-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

I am very behind in posting things. I have tons of pics. Some of the stuff....well I can't even remember. Is it bear with me or bare with me??? I know I will lose some of you....I don't think my following has a lofty attention span. There, did I piss you off and wake you up??? Sometimes a little insult goes a long way.

I believe this is a sideways picture of no-knead Harvest Bread from King Arthur Flour No Knead Harvest Bread

You actually let this bread rise like 8 hours and bake it in a covered dutch oven and start it off in a cold oven. I used cranberries and pecans instead of golden raisins, walnuts and cranberries.

It was killer slathered with cream cheese alongside a grilled chicken salad. It would make a killer turkey sandwhich also.

This was the beginings of a brownie mixture that goes into a cookie. Yes, you heard me right....brownie inside a cookie. Kind of like a double dessert for doubly fatty matatty stretch marks. You bake up a batch of brownies...chill them overnight.

Then you make a normal chocolate chip cookie batter and add the brownie cubes and walnuts.

Serve alongside a cold glass of milk and some heart paddles. This recipe came from Bon Appetit

Per Bon Appetit~Two favorite American desserts—cookies and brownies—join forces in this whimsical dessert. Danielle Librera, owner of The Sweet Pea Bakery & Catering in Phoenix, was inspired by similar cookies at Small World Coffee in Princeton, New Jersey.

This so called Southern 5 hour NO Peek Stew intrigued me that fellow bloggers were bragging about. I did some research and found a 5 hour no peek and a 4 hour no peek....So I made my own version and did "4 1/2 HOUR DON'T PHUCKING TAKE A LOOK STEW".

And just in case you are wondering.....no I didn't phucking peek!

Of course I cooked it in this handsome devil.....oh Mr. Staub Pumpkin, quit winking at me....you are making me blush. Wha...what's that Mr. Staub Pumpkin???....oooh you are so naughty.

Voil-phucking-la.........4 1/2 Hour Don't Phucking Take a Look Stew w/sour cream potato biscuits

Although I didn't find it much different than regular stew....it was still very tasty. Not having to brown the meat is nice. It would actually have been sensational spooned over grits or even mashed potatoes....it is thicker than a soup but thinner than an ordinary stew....It is a stoup per Rachael Ray.

This however, did give me an incredible idea....Next time I am going to use either chicken breast or turkey tenderloin, carrots, celery, potatoes, onions and sweet potatoes and I am going to spoon it over top of homemade croutons so it kind of makes a rustic stuffing at the bottom of the bowl as it soaks up the juices and then you basically have a turkey dinner stew. hmmmm genius I know.

Animal Cracker/Cookies with the Kiddos

These Animal Cracker Cookie Cutters and Mix came from Williams Sonoma

These cookies turned out beautiful. Such intricate detail. And you know how all the big name therapists say "Oh if your kid doesn't eat anything get them involved in the cooking process. The will ALWAYS eat something they have had a hand in making".

WELL, Bull Pucky Phucky Sucky Five Bucky, because my kids friggin hated them. I thought they were delicious. Just the right amount of crunch and spice....great for dunking in coffee or tea. They were a scrumptious little snack the ungrateful lil' twits hated. I give up....right now all Maxwell will eat are schwans meat-a-balls.

If you are still with me after all of this, then I truly understimated you.....you don't have ADD or now it aptly named ADHD.....but you obviously don't have a life either. GET A FRIGGIN CLUE!

Let's just say there comes a point in a person's life when the come up with the MUTHER of all ideas. Well, it wasn't all my idea. It was partly King Arthur Flour Donuts . It all started with a donut pan and their recipe for Buttermilk Cinnamon Donuts. This here would be the batter.

I however had to amp these puppies up.....so....I spooned half the batter into the donut pan AND THEN......this is where it gets good. I took King Arthur Flour Baker's Cinnamon Filling and piped it around the inside of the donut. I then spooned the rest of the batter over top.

I baked these for 10 minutes exactly. Pulled them out and cooled them off.

Here is where your taste buds BEG for Mercy.....Hail Mary's are comin' ten fold. I took a bag of Ghirardelli White Chocolate Chips and melted them with 1/2 cup of heavy whipping cream (this is where you may flatline and need paddles), forgive me father for I have sinned, THEN....I add in a tsp or so of maple extract and then some more Bakers Cinnamon Filling and mix it all up. Cool the mixture off a bit and then dunk each donut top into the glaze TWICE and then top off with roasted walnuts. So this is a Baked Buttermilk Cinnamon Donut with a Cinnamon Swirl Filling Topped off with a White Chocolate Cinnamon Maple Ganache and Toasted Walnuts. I AM READY FOR A THROW-DOWN BOBBY FLAY......BRING IT ON BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

These Donuts are going to: stickygooeycreamchewy'sBlogiversary Bash

Again, I went back to my bible Artisan Bread in Five Minutes A Day
This is Olive Oil Bread that I added fresh Rosemary too. I shaped them into oversized rolls....I considered them kind of like a focaccia roll.

I drizzled them with Roasted Garlic Olive Oil, domestic parmesan and more rosemary before baking.

I topped or bottomed them with a slice of havarti, sliced green apples, shredded rosemary and lemon rotisserie chicken, applewood smoked bacon, more havarti and asiago peppercorn ranch dressing and grilled them in a panini press. Lord have Mercy! Where is Benny Hinn when you need him???? I needed some palm of hand to head healing after I got through with this samm-which.

Serve with a side salad of spinach and mixed greens....hopefully the havarti and bacon catch a ride with the greens and slide right through your arteries w/no rest stops on the way to your colon. I have my fingers crossed and I have the paddles on speed dial.

And after ALL of that.......I leave you with this..............

A recipe for bagels ripped from the latestKing Arthur Flourmagazine, my little crock filled with the bagel starter (1/2 cup organic King Arthur high gluten flour, 1/4 cup cool water, a pinch of instant yeast). Tomorrow I try my hand at "Everything Bagels" and "Asiago Bagels". Hurrican Ike is on its way....a girl has to pass the rainy day somehow.

Don't judge my grammar or speeling beotch....i have been at this 2 hours and 2 minutes and my a$$ and brain hurt. If you aren't illiterate, you probably shouldn't even be at this ghetto a$$ blog.

It's The Great Staub Pumpkin Charlie Brown!!!

2008-09-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

THE STAUB PUMPKIN

Per Williams Sonoma~Staub Pumpkin Oven, 5-Qt.

Displaying the silhouette and hue of the season’s signature squash, this versatile French cookware performs impeccably on the stovetop or in the oven, then goes right to the table for serving. Use it to simmer hearty bean dishes, soups and stews and to prepare flavorful roasts and braises. Heavy enameled cast-iron construction distributes and retains heat beautifully, promoting slow, gentle cooking. Hand-wash.

This lovely squash goes for $199.95 at WS.....I, however, being the bargain shopper I am (sha right), got lucky.......they happened to have these at the WS Outlet in Memphis and I got one for $59.95. I am sure it has a blemish on it somewhere (hence the $59.95) but I can't seem to find it. Everytime I look at this I smile. I leave it on the middle burner of my 6 burner cooktop, now that it is officially FALL/AUTUMN (officially for me anyways.......). As soon as September 1 comes, it is time to get out your pumpkins, squash, gourds, etc. I love Fall. I don't care if I am in the South and it is 90 degrees.

Vodka Mocha Bundt Cake
The southerners LOVE their bundt cake. I once made a Brioche Bostock and my husband took it into work and they said "Thanks for the Bundt Cake"....I was mortified. Anywhos, I went to a Labor Day gathering and an Infectious Diseases Doc was there and this was her contribution to the part-hay.

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)
1 (18.25 ounce) package yellow cake mix
1/4 cup white sugar
1 (5.9 ounce) package instant chocolate pudding mix
1 cup vegetable oil
4 eggs
1/4 cup vodka
1/4 cup coffee flavored liqueur
3/4 cup water

1/4 cup coffee flavored liqueur
1/4 cup confectioners' sugar

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 10 inch Bundt pan.
In a large bowl, combine Cake mix, sugar, pudding mix, oil, eggs, vodka, coffee liqueur and water. Mix at low speed for 1 minute and then at medium speed for 4 minutes.
Pour into prepared Bundt pan. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for one hour or until toothpick inserted into middle comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes in the pan, then turn out onto wire rack.
To make the glaze: In a medium bowl, combine 1/4 cup coffee liqueur with the confectioners sugar. Mix well and pour over cake.

And let me say.......it was DELISH. I can't wait to make this. Not boozy at all. So moist.......I can't tell you! Those Infectious Diseases Dr.'s like to part-hay let me tell you.

My Latest and Greatest King Arthur Flour Order

2008-09-06T19:57:00.000-07:00

All-Natural Hazelnut Praline Paste - 11-oz.
Item # 2243 in stock

Round Bake-And-Give Pans - Set of 6
Item # 5671 in stock

Maple Sugar
Item # 1293 in stock

Standard Doughnut Pan
Item # 5233 in stock

FREE Pie Filling Enhancer (HEY IT WAS FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Item # F3466 in stock

Filled Cookie Molds Set
Item # 4310 in stock

Lame Bread Slashing Tool (FREE SHIPPING ON THIS, LIKE IT MATTERS)
Item # 4175 in stock I also wonder WHY it is lame???
$6.95 1 $6.95
FREE SHIPPING

Natural Maple Flavor - 1-oz.
Item # 1740 in stock

Merchandise total: $83.20
FedEx Standard Ground $16.50

Balance Paid: $99.70

Shhhhhhhhh, don't tell my husband! I want to try my hand at their Buttermilk Cinnamon Doughnuts (hence the doughnut pan), Maple Shortbread cookies(hence the maple flavoring and maple sugar), and Hazelnut Praline Filled Cookies (hence the cookie mold).

Who Makes Baklawa???? I Do, That's Who!!!

2008-09-03T20:34:00.001-07:00

Per Wiki~Baklava or baklawa is a rich, sweet pastry featured in many cuisines of the former Ottoman,Arab World and Iranian countries. It is a pastry made of layers of filo dough filled with chopped walnuts or pistachios and sweetened with syrup or honey. Gaziantep, a city in Turkey, is famous for its baklava and, in Turkey, is widely regarded as the native city of the dessert.[1]Cyprus made the controversial choice to present Baklava for Sweet Europe of the cultural initiative Café Europe in 2006.

Layer Phyllo Dough and butter each piece

Layer on Nuts and Chocolate, Peat and Repeat about every 10 or so sheets.

Bake It!

Make the syrup

Pour HOT syrup over cooled Baklava.......this keeps it crunchy

"qu'ils mangent de la brioche" LET THEM EAT CAKE!

I love Baklava and really have some fond memories of it. Whenever my friends and I would venture up to the Big City "Erie" and go to the "MillCreek Mall" from good ol' suckhole T'ville or T-Vegas as it is now called (I will never understand the whole T-Vegas thang), we would ALWAYS stop in at Tiffany's Bakery. It is now gone and has been for years. They used to make trays and trays of Baklava in all shapes....rolled like cigars (or dead bodies in a carpet), triangles, and these open muffin tin shapes etc. Those were the days......cruising up to Erie, going to the Limited and snack'n on some Tiffany's baklava.......where did the time go.

You are supposed to end up with about 40 sheets total but unfortunately as I was making this.....I was preocuppied w/our break in and only ended up with 20 sheets. Is it pre-occupied or pre-occuppied or pre-ocuppied......perhaps octopus. I was pre-octopus w/our break in and only ended up with 20 sheets. So I made 1/2 Baklava....who da'heel cares cause it was still Good Eats~Alton Brown.

Perseverance

2008-08-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

I had a lady from our subdivision call me on the phone this morning. All she said to me was "I looked up Perseverance in the dictionary and I saw your picture beside it".

I think that was a compliment!

Thanks Betty, I appreciate it!

~per wiki
Perseverance is a term for human endurance and autonomy

~per Stacey
Perseverance is someone with a fat mouth that won't let something drop

This is an excerpt from my email to the residents of our subdivision today

2008-08-27T19:32:00.000-07:00

I was not able to attend last nights meeting due to the lack of ample notification. I am a stay at home mom and these are the events that have transpired at our cul-de-sac the last two weeks. Everyone needs to be informed of the details......not the generalizations that the association is trying to put out because they dont' want people scared, upset or angry at what is going on. I have been called RUDE and been told that I don't need to spread the details around per the association. Sorry Charlie.......but I am rude and mad and scared and upset and I WILL NOT keep my mouth shut until each and every person in this subdivision knows the details surrounding my incidents. Both during the day and one while we were in our home. I have little children as most of you do. This is not going to be tolerated and if I don't get some action from the community on signs/cameras/etc. then I guess I will eventually have to go to the media on what is happening back here and maybe then someone can explain to me WHY we can't have "community watch signs" etc. put out in our subdivision.

Friday, Aug. 16, 2008 between 11:30 and Noon my husband I left our house and went to Old Mill for lunch. Our house was locked up tight. We came home around 1:00 to find our dead-bolted french doors that face the swimming pool and street kicked in, in broad daylight. Our 42 in plasma was taken and a 37 in LCD in our master bedroom taken and a PS3 blu-ray. It was under the assumption they hopped our 6 ft. privacy fence w/padlocked gates, kicked in the deadbolted doors and then opened the 1st garage stall and backed in and took the item through there. Our front door was locked when we came home. My husbands car was also in the garage at the time. The neighbor to the right of us also had muddy footprints all along the backside of his house.

Monday, Aug.25, 2008 around 1:00 pm. My husband was mowing the grass. We had all 3 garage doors down. My husband came in through the side door to the garage from the back yard to get more gas for the mower. He heard a car beep so he hit the 2nd stall door opener. A man in a Cream/Tan Toyota Landcruiser FJ had pulled into our driveway side-saddle and was blocking the 1st and 2nd stall. He get out of his vehicle.....he is bald, tatooed sleeves on both arms, cammo shorts, fairly tall and had a belly.....he started walking into the garage between our 2 vehicles. My husband asked him twice what he wanted and the man mumbled the first time and never answered the 2nd time. He proceeded into our garage and towards my husband who then came in the house, hit the security button and got a shotgun, and called 911. The man milled around in our garage for about 5 minutes before exiting w/a wooden carved walking stick (all the while our inside and OUTSIDE alarm are going off). He walked to the front door and pressed his head and face right up to the glass (touching the glass) trying to see in our home, after staying there a minute or so, he then left the porch and continued to wander through our neighbors to the left w/walking stick in tow, toward *** Den Trail. He eventually started back to his car when he saw police arriving. He wandered around for a total of 14 minutes w/alarms blaring inside and out. Officers arrested him, he had knives on him and in his car, empty prescription bottles, he was high on something. GPS in his car and something else that looked like a scanner or cb on the dash. His car was towed. Detective Simon called me Tuesday morning and told me this man is a resident of Woodlands Edge and lives on ****grass. All the man kept saying was he was meeting friends. That is all the information the police have given me so far.

*I DON'T MIND STIRRING THE POT UP A BIT.......I LOVE COOKING

I have also eaten WAY TOO MANY almond m&m's tonight out of stress and have a feeling tomorrow morning will not be good for the ol'tummy. (no, that was not in the email)

If I Told YOU What Happened Today You Wouldn't Believe Me Anyway

2008-08-25T20:18:00.001-07:00

For right now, let's just say it involved a turkey camo shotgun (and you thought I was joking about that), a walking stick, a bald man tatooed w/sleeves and cammo shorts, a toyota landcruiser, my garage, 5 local police cars w/guns drawn, a 14 minute wait out in my house for the police to even arrive WITH alarms going off IN the house and OUTSIDE the house and said man not leaving the area, staying in my garage for 5 minutes, walking up to my front door putting his greazy nasty ass forehead up to my glass windows to look in........handcuffs and being hauled away in police cruiser w/then said car being towed away w/LARGE knives in car and on persons body etc. etc. etc. I don't have the energy to go into this in complete detail. It has been a harrowing last couple of months w/my husbands employee & wife murdered (see prior postings), our house being burglarized a week ago, my husbands brother being killed in a freak logging accident Friday in PA (who was a hard worker and didn't deserve to die at age 45) to an almost home invasion today. You would think I lived in da'hood w/the happenings around our neighborhood and it is anything but. The house down the other end of our street was robbed yesterday. We don't know if our burglary and the incident today were connected or not yet..........let's just say the gun was pointed and ready to blow off a head, luckily we didn't have to. Police finally showed after 14 minutes and managed to cuff him and haul him off. WTF Mate???????????? I barely believe myself at this point and keep wondering if I am having a bad dream. I couldn't make this sheot up, people. I wouldn't!

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin errr I mean Queso Eater

2008-08-24T19:21:00.000-07:00

Some people cheat on their taxes, some at cards, and others on their spouses. Me??? Well, let's just say I plead the 5th to all the above, but I do cheat while cooking.

I made Cheater Cheater Queso Eater Enchiladas

If you have not used this product Leigh Oliver's Queso ,you should try it.

I LOVE a good white queso. 'Tis hard to find. I am also not BIG on pre-packaged items. I try to make my own "stuff". This product caught my eye whilst breezing by the refrigerated section at Whole Foods. I bought one jar of the mild white queso and went back two days later for a jar of spinach queso and another jar of mild white.

I took a rotisserie chicken and shredded it. Mixed up the chicken, black beans, and corn, roasted red peppers in a bowl and then spread a small amount of spinach queso on a corn tortilla, layered in the chicken filling, rolled it up and then spread the rest of the queso on top and baked until heated through.

I took a can of refried beans and schmeared those inside a flour tortilla, sprinkled on a little low fat cheddar, rolled up and then poured the rest of the mild white queso over top and baked until heated through.

Voila! 3 days worth of enchiladas and the only leftovers that I WILL eat. I don't do leftovers, for those of you that don't know me.

And yes, the cheating was worth it. This stuff is addicting to say the least. In fact, I may even make it AGAIN this week. That is how much I love it! Eazy Breazy also, gotta love that.

King Arthur Flour is DA'BOMB

2008-08-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

In order to make all the wonderful breads from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes A Day, I use ingredients from King Arthur Flour. I try to use their Organic Allpurpose White flour in most of my recipes. I have ordered numerous cooking essentials from them in the mail also. Luckily, my Kroger and my Fresh Market carry a lot of their everyday flours.

Anywhos....I opened up my latest catalog and these appeared (okay my link won't work for the exact recipe) Just click on the KAF link above and then click on the "recipes" and type in Gruyere-stuffed crusty loaves. Sorry about that.

I know, I know.......I had to grab a kleenex also and wipe the tears of joy from my eyes. I lay in a puddle of weeping excitement babbling in tongues, until I was finally able to pick myself up and dust myself off and drive furiously over to Fresh Market to get some ingredients.

*side note.....I ALWAYS want to speel ingredients as INGREDIANTS. I may petition Websters to have this changed for my benefit.

Anywhos.....I love Panera's asiago bagels, sooooooo, I decided to make Asiago Stuffed Crusty Loaves.

It all started with a little starter.....you only have to leave this sit overnight. How great is that????

This is what it looks like the next day after the yeast has partied all night. I mean, hey, we all look a little puffy and bloated after a night out, eh???

I used a combo of basil oil, garlic oil, some italian seasonings and grated asiago.

Roll the dough out like you are making cinnamon rolls (provided you have made cinnamon rolls and if you haven't, you really shouldn't be reading this blog). Layer on the oil, seasonings, cheeze.

Roll it up (like you were rolling a dead body up in a carpet to haul out to your pickup for a drop-off in the woods, you know what I am talking about).
~note to self.....don't use the expensive oriental rug in living room

Slice it like a cinnamon roll.......you can do it anyway you want, big slices, lots of slices or only 2 slices to make 2 larger loaves. I did 4, if you can't count.

Bake in the oven.....I just slid my parchment right onto my pizza stone. Ooooh la frickin la la......these were egg-ceptionally great and will be made again and again. Can you imagine these w/a hot steaming bowl of chili?????? What are you waiting for???? GO MAKE THEM NOW!

P.S.Not to toot my own horn but KAF actually "borrowed" a quote from one of my blogs without my knowledge. I was flattered but shocked. It has been in the last 4 catalogs on page 51. As I lay in bed one night leafing through the summer 2008 issue, I see a title for "Baker's Cinnamon Filling" From a Customer Blog: we couldn't have said it better! Then staring back at me....were my words from my January 16, 2008 Blog "Cinnamon Schmear Another One of My Favorite Things". I proceed to say "You mix 1/4 c. of mx with 1 tablespoon of water....THAT'S IT. It makes this gloopy schloppy wonderful cinnamon schmear. You just spread on your dough and bake. It will be better than cinnamon bread or bun you have ever made yourself. This stuff is soooo good that one of the girls that babysits for us requires this cinnamon bread as payment and will except NO MONEY. THAT IS HOW GOOD IT IS!!!"

I was stunned and having deja-vu as I was reading, as the words sounded all too familiar. I just wish they would have at least told me they were going to use it....what if I would have never noticed it??? I could have missed this pivotal moment in my life. I was shocked and stunned and excited. How crazy is that??? Did KAF really read my blog???? Cause I didn't give it to them.

Ham-Burglars vs. Black Bean Burglars

2008-08-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

I am sure that Mayor McCheeze would LOVE to take a baseball bat to Ham-burglars knee caps. I just know it.

This recipe was adapted from Vermont Cheddar Bread out of my
Artisan Bread in Five Minutes A Day

I replaced the cheddar with Asiago and Pickled Chopped Jalapenos and instead of a loaf of bread, I shaped the dough into hamburger buns. Sprinkled more Asiago on top.

Hotcha Hotcha out of the oven.

What better to go with an Asiago Jalapeno Bun than a Black Bean Burger!

Allrecipes

This came from Allrecipes.com "Homemade Black Bean Veggie Burgers", I couldn't get the link to work. LAURENMU is the poster of this recipe.
INGREDIENTS
1 (16 ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 green bell pepper, cut into 2 inch pieces
1/2 onion, cut into wedges
3 cloves garlic, peeled
1 egg
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon Thai chili sauce or hot sauce
1/2 cup bread crumbs

DIRECTIONS
If grilling, preheat an outdoor grill for high heat, and lightly oil a sheet of aluminum foil. If baking, preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C), and lightly oil a baking sheet.
In a medium bowl, mash black beans with a fork until thick and pasty.
In a food processor, finely chop bell pepper, onion, and garlic. Then stir into mashed beans.
In a small bowl, stir together egg, chili powder, cumin, and chili sauce.
Stir the egg mixture into the mashed beans. Mix in bread crumbs until the mixture is sticky and holds together. Divide mixture into four patties.
If grilling, place patties on foil, and grill about 8 minutes on each side. If baking, place patties on baking sheet, and bake about 10 minutes on each side.

I made some substitutions such as using rolled oats instead of bread crumbs and I pulsed everything in my food processor. I used wet hands to mold into burgers and also refrigerated them before grilling on tin foil. I also cooked my own dried black beans in some water and a bottle of mexican beer and garlic.

I made my homemade salsa and topped off the burger with a big slice of cheddar, shredded romaine, salsa, light sour cream.

Served with a side of sue-weeeet potato fries spiced w/chili powder and cumin and coriander seed. My husband said it was a taco in a bun. I am not sure if it was a compliment or not but I thought they were outstanding!

Unmarked Vehicles Are a Recipe for Disaster

2008-08-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

Our Brink's guy came today to install some EXTRA equipment and showed up in an unmarked truck and was in my driveway (backed in) when I was pulling into the cul-de-sac. Unmarked truck BACKED up to my garage door.......threw my PA redneck ass into rambo mode and I flew in the driveway w/my SUV and blocked him off catty corner so he had nowhere to go but through me. Was ready to start out of the jeep w/a baseball bat and beat his sorry ass when Dana calls on the cell phone stating the brinks guy was waiting in our driveway. I have never been anywhere, where all these businesses use so many unmarked vehicles. Too bad, so sad for them if I happen to lop off their balls w/a turkey pump camo shotgun that Dana and Ben use for hunting. I ain't pissing around no more!

AN OPEN LETTER PENNED TO THE ASS PHUCK THAT INVADED MY FAMILIES SPACE AND STOLE OUR SHEEOT

2008-08-16T17:25:00.000-07:00

Although I will continue to blog about food, I have had so much CRAPPOLA happen to me lately that I feel compelled to slightly change the forum.

Friday, Aug. 15, 2008
11:50 AM

I leave the house with my husband and 2 children and drive down the street to Old Mill Bakery for a sandwhich. Eat a pleasant meal.....engage in family banter.

1:00 pm
Drive home. Walk in through garage door to the kitchen area. My eyes are drawn to the floor as I see a piece of SHEARED OFF moulding. As my eyes focus....my brain is trying to process WHY IN THE HELL MOLDING IS ON MY FLOOR 18 FEET AWAY FROM MY FRENCH DOORS. Instead of looking at the doors (that are wide phucking open), I pick up the molding and look up to my ceiling wondering WHERE it came from. When I didn't see anything that matched up, I happen to look forward and see my french door wide open w/the dead bolt STILL engaged and all the molding sheared off. Again....brain is not processing properly. Thinking to self....why is my door broken......surely my CAT didn't do this. Why would someone kick my door in.....BIG PHUCKING DUH! So as I continue toward my door which is 18 feet from where I had sheared off molding I happen to look to my right and see a big empty space where my 42 inch PHUCKING PLASMA TV USED TO BE. OH, OK, now I get it.........so I proceed into my bedroom where there is a BIG EMPTY PHUCKING SPACE WHERE MY 37 INCH PLASMA TV USED TO BE. Glad they took the Blu-ray player also because the movies look FAN-PHUCKIN-TASTIC on them (hope you have netflix, it is such a good deal). SORRY YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE CONTROLS YOU DUMB ASS MUTHER PHUCKERS! Or perhaps you were a bit short on time since I was only gone, at most, 1 1/2 hours. Glad you were smart enough to hit the garage door and back in next to my husbands car and load up the items. I wouldn't have wanted you to walk out the front door and have to carry it all the way around to the driveway. I apologize that you had to jump my 10 ft privacy fence that had padlocked gates and walk through the woods and get your sneaks all dirty in order to get to my deck in order to kick in my french doors. Next time...give me a jingle, I will leave the door open for you. Surely to God, you needed these items MUCH MORE THAN I DID. Thank you for leaving my house neat....I was actually quite surprised by this. I apologize for all the dust under the tv's also........I hope it didn't aggravate your allergies, but I AM a mom of 2 young toddlers, dusting is not a priority. All I can say is, You are a couple of lucky dumb ass muther phuckers that I was not home when you decided to pull a rambo off my deck and into my house....I would have had one of two choices.....Shank your sorry ass juggler with my Sanko Cleaver or pull a Joe Horn on your ass. Either would have satisfied me just fine..........and no, it wouldn't have been over the tv's. I could care less about the tv's. It would have been because you invaded MY PHUCKING SPACE. MY SPACE. MY LOCKED PHUCKING SPACE. If you INVADE MY LOCKED OR OPEN PHUCKING SPACE AGAIN I WILL BE HAPPY TO BLOW YOUR ASS OFF MY DECK WITH A SHOTGUN WHICH I LEARNED TO SHOOT IN 6TH GRADE AT PIONEER RANCH AT TITUSVILLE HIGH SCHOOL. Thankfully I was not home and no one was harmed...Although, I got no problem shooting your ass if that was not the case.

The kicker is.....the same scum ass shit faces that are building our houses are employed by these cheap ass builders... and are the same scum ass dirt bag phuck heads that are ripping us off AFTER we move into these homes. These are the same low life dick-wads that are coming back to do touch up work AFTER we have moved in and can see where our security systems are, what kind they are, where are tv's are, the layouts of our houses etc. Pardon me for my husband and myself working our asses to the BONE for 20 years to afford this life. We did it the HARD WAY. So, I hope your lazy fat ass is sitting in a broken down recliner w/worn out fabric, drinking your Forty or your Crunk Juice, playing the playstation or possibly watching a porno in blu-ray on my 42 inch plasma while smoking a joint as a drug deal is going down on your street corner. I'm glad you can sleep at night because I certainly can and Karma is a bitch.

Unfortunately, Joe Horn is not my neighbor but a girl can dream.

This guy here also knows who you are and saw the whole deal go down and if and when he starts talking you better hope your ass is NOWHERE to be found. I got no problem shooting yer ass and dragging you back into my house for a 2nd round.

And if you have been living in a box and DON'T know who Joe Horn is.....please feel free to click on the left hand side top you tube video......you won't be sorry.

A couple more side notes IF you are still reading: Brinks guy says to me "Little Rock is 3rd in crime in the Nation and 1st In break-in's in the Nation".

Me to Brinks guy: "So where do these tv's go?? Pawn shop??? Because tomorrow is Saturday and my sorry ass is prepared to visit every pawn shop in the city to get my tv's back". Brink's guy "No, they get sold on the street for $200, they can trace them in a pawn shop". Me, "So where does one go to buy my tv on the street. I have no problem trolling for my own tv." I have no problem buying my own tv back for $300 when I have to go to Best Buy and drop $1500 for it. I was unfortunately talked out of this option.

AND.....even though this major event happened on Friday it didn't trump the best news of ALL. I got an all clear in the mail Friday that my yearly pap was all clear, my mammo was all clear AND my cholesterol dropped 29 pts. So my cancer free va-j-j and lump free boobs and artery clogging free arteries TRUMP any jack-ass stealing my possessions. I have my health and that is WAY better than any phucking tv.

I hope y'all got as much enjoyment reading this post as I did writing it!

This Was A Post I Started Back On 08/05/08

2008-08-14T19:27:00.001-07:00

I am making a brief appearance......git yer fill while you can. I just don't have time for this sheeeot. Although, I do enjoy it. It is just so time consuming. The sweat, the tears, the agony of defeat, the salsa my 1 1/2 year old threw all over the floor whilst trying to compose my thoughts and pictures.....it is pure torture.

Arrriba Arrriba (rolled "R" ALWAYS)
Let's start off with Mexican Paletas
Mexican Paletas and then you have to type in "Paletas" in the "Recipe" search engine.

WHAT IS A PALETA YOU ASK?
~Per Wiki~ A paleta is a Latin American ice pop usually made from fresh fruit. The name comes from palo, or "stick," and the diminutive ending -eta, referencing the little flat stick frozen into each item; the stores, carts, and kiosks, or as we call them at home "roach coaches" where they are sold are known as paleterías, and the sellers are called paleteros.

I started off with Strawberry Basil Paletas

Ended up with Banana Paletas

He looks a bit disturbed but he really isn't

Evil Salsa Thrower Banana Paleta Eater

Cacao Nibs ( a must in the pantry )
are~ roasted cacao beans, separated from their husks and broken into small bits. Sprinkle on ice cream, add to cookies, or use in place of nuts in sweet and savory foods. Some chocolate lovers have been known to snack on nibs alone. I purrrrsonally don't know any chocolate lovers (sha right) so I can't attest to the last statement.

I, however, used them in a Smoky Cacao Nibs Rub courtesy of
Sticky,Gooey, Creamy, Chewy Git your recipe there.

I used my rub on boneless center cut pork chops and grilled them off. She used hers on bloody meaty juicy rib-eyes. Choose your rotting flesh source of choice and go with it. You WON'T be sorry.

It has been sooooo long I don't even remember what these were.............

Oh wait, it is coming to me...............uh, I believe these were peanut butter oatmeal cookies w/crisco. I don't think I have ever used crisco in a baking recipe before but these cookies were OUTFRICKINGSTANDING. I used rrrrolled oats (not quick or instant) and Peanut Butter & Co's White Chocolate Wonderful PB and then Ghirardhelli White Chocolate Chips. These gave permanent wood until they were gone as the hubby loves white chocolate (even though white chocolate is not really chocolate but that is another argument for another time).

This was a Zuchini Vichyssoise courtesy of AGAIN, Sticky, Gooey, Creamy, Chewy Git yer recipe there.

Git your recipe there. Then some Williams Sonoma Croissant dough that I stufft w/black forest ham and swiss cheese and baked off.

I'm outta here L-O-S-E-R...........................................I gotta go and scrub the mask off my face, I was multi-tasking.

*Side Note.....if you have not been to Etsy you need to visit. Use the drop down box and go to Sellers:usernames and type in valleybeadglassart .Not only does she have some great handcrafted jewelry and stained glass on there but there are loads of great items for sale ALL handcrafted by artisans. I am in love with this site. I bought earings and necklace off of valleybeadglassart. I love them!

Hi, My Name Is Stacey and I Am A Food Addict

2008-08-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

They always say the first road to recovery is admitting you have a problem.......well, today is the day I dread. Today is the day I go through all my food magazines and rip out the pages I have earmarked and then throw the rest of the mag away. Tomorrow is special garbage pick up. UGH!. I love my magazines and could look at them over and over until my retinas burn out and my index finger bleeds. But it is out w/the old to make room for the new.

Rachael Ray

Bon Appetit

Cooking Light

Cooks Illustrated

Donna Hay

Martha Stewart

Fine Cooking

Food & Wine

Gourmet

And my newest baby~

La Cucina Italiana

I really hope I can get all this ripping and sorting of recipes done before the garbage man comes tomorrow. Before I know it, the fall issues will be arriving.

I know I have been MIA lately, but I just have not felt like blogging. I haven't felt like thinking or processing thoughts. I personally hate summer time and get "BLAH" during the summer. My creative juices start flowing again usually in August in anticipation of Fall coming, which is my absolute favorite time of the year. Perhaps a burning pile of autumn leaves will ignite a fire under my ass and reinspire me to start blogging regularly come this Fall.

*Funny side note~ My ooompa loompa was so used to watching me lick my index finger as I went through my cooking mags that he now licks his index finger regularly when turning pages. He is 4.

Death even in Food

2008-07-01T14:03:00.000-07:00

As I have blogged on here a few times.........my husband is responsible for a team of over 550 Union Pacific Locomotive employees. Of course I haven't met most of them but the supervisors/foreman generals/local chairman etc. are people that I have met at various events. I am not the best person w/names but I always remember a face(s). Of course..........there are 550 of them and only 1 of me.

One of the first restaurants we attended a function at was Cock of the Walk
This was for a retirement dinner for one of my husbands supervisory employees. Across from me sat this nice couple in their early-mid 50's. Very quiet and kind of kept to themselves but did chat with me on and off through all the noise. The man was even nice enough to pour me some sweet tea. This man was a general foreman for my husband.

Last night around midnight we got an email message from one of my husband's 2nd shift supervisors with the word "rumor" in the subject. Unfortunately, this "rumor" turned out to be true. Sherwood Couple Found Dead in Missouri

No one deserves this.......and especially not this couple. Although I did not know them well....just in passing during some events at restaurants, I remembered their faces and how nice and welcoming they were when they met me. I know that Tom will be greatly missed by his Union Pacific peers. I hope that their children somehow find comfort and can move forward after this tragedy that should have never happened.

I was lucky enough to share catfish, hushpuppies, collard greens, fried pickles and sweet tea with the Estes' and I hope that Tom and Jill Estes are resting in peace and I hope they FRY THE MUTHER FUCKER WHO DID THIS!

UPDATE:SCUMBAG CAUGHT Nicholas Troy Sheley, 28, of Sterling, was arrested Tuesday evening in Granite City, Illinois, just east of St. Louis, Special Agent Ross Rice told CNN.

I just realized at 6:37 PM I never put a Title on this blog....Phuck It....No Title Today

2008-06-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

Ina...eat your heart out, I made my OWN Brioche.

Homemade BRIOCHE.....this was the beginnings of Father's Day Breakfast. My husband LOVES French Toast.

This is the Oooompa Looompa helping soak the sliced Brioche in custard.

Griddle it up.............

........And slap it on a plate w/some grilled italian turkey sausage and breakfast burritos........voila, I don't have time for this sheeot!

RoAsTeD StRaWbErRy SuNdAyS or SuNdAeS on MoNdAyS

Toss 2 lbs of berries w/about 1/2 cup o'the sue-weet stuff

Plop it on some parchment on a cookie sheet at about 400 degrees and roast for about 40 minutes.....stirring every 15. I actually added a tsp of Tahitian Vanilla after they came out of the oven. This made a HUGE difference in the taste.

Vanilla Ice Cream, roasted strawberries and toasted almonds w/a sprig of mint. This truly tastes like the best damn strawberry jam you have ever had in your life.

XXX
Okay, you know the XXX Adult Stores you see on the side of the freeway for all those truckers that have been on the road for days and need to get their nut off, right??? Well this is basically the same thing, but not quite as seedy and the floor isn't as sticky AND it is for women. It is the Williams Sonoma Outlet in good ol' Memphis, TN. They should just swap out the letters and write ORGASM instead, but I guess that probably isn't politically correct and may also offend some of you right or left wingers out there. I am sure the independents would be all for it!!!

$9.99 for ALL THREE

$64.99 plus 30% off........you do the math.

Neely's BBQ
Ok, so I had to go. The Neely's from the Food Network have 2 BBQ joints in Memphis. I am sorry to say and report that I was unimpressed. I mean, who am I?? I am no one....just a lowly soul looking for some bbq. Their soda machines kept losing soda....1st the strawberry and then the sprite. The sweet tea was tasteless.

This picture turned into.............

.......this picture.......LOL is all I gotta say. At least ACT like you are enjoying it.

I hate to report disparaging (sp) things about eateries. I am not a critic....well I am in my own tastebud world. I just wasn't impressed at all. I was expecting WOW...I was expecting my tastebuds to explode. They didn't. I wouldn't go back. My husband was not impressed either. We shared the sampler. The beef ribs did fall off the bone and the were as tender as could be.....but rather tasteless. Maybe it was just "us". In any event, I didn't feel they have anything over the Whole Hog Cafe in Little Rock. I am from Little Rock by way of PA, CA, AZ, TX, PA, PA, CA, NE so I have no obligation to be giving props to the Whole Hog. I hated to say I didn't like the Neely's food because I love the Neely's on food tv....all their luv'in and pinch'n and kiss'n and givn' suga' but I just wasn't impressed.

Last but not least........more basil means more pesto.

If this ain't the kind o'parm you are using, then you better take an inward look at yourself.

This time it was basil, italian flat leaf parsely, lemon peel, lemon juice, toasted walnuts, olive oil, parm, garlic, salt n peppa.

Ready to freeze.

Ooooh and I almost forgot one more thing........Cheese Pizzettes

Giada's Cheese Pizzettes

I just served the Pizzettes alongside a baby spinach/baby mixed green salad topped w/roasted pecans, dried cranberries, rotisserie chicken and wild maine blueberry dressing.

When It Rains, It POURS

2008-06-13T21:27:00.001-07:00

I will admit it.......I have been a friggin' slug lately. I have been cooking but I have been busy.....It is no excuse I know. I take pictures but then to pull out the camera and hook it up and then transfer pictures...oh the agony. If you have little kids then you know what I am talking about. Anywho's. I am just going to post some pictures (which is great for all you illiterate mongrels out there) and make a scant comment for all you dolts that can't *culinarily understand the picture. You know who you are!

If there is one thing I do and do well it is PIZZA! I don't mind patting myself on the back for this. I made this pizza on the BGE, as you can see.

The bubbling finished product....crunchy dough on the outside, chewy on the in(side) that is, olive oil base, mozzarella, asiago, italian turkey sausage, roasted red and yellow peppers and crumbled goat cheese, fresh oregano/basil/italian parsley. COME TO PAPA!

*disclaimer don't freaken leave a comment about culinarily not being a word, I know, I know, but this is my flippin' blog and I will make up sheeot if I want!

THE BROWN COW

This Y-U-M-M-Y little number was absolutely sinful. I made a rootbeer float with Diet Boylan's Rootbeer and Edy's Slow Churned 1/2 the Fat Carmel Delight Ice Cream. This ROCKED.

*A side note Believe it or not~I have actually made homemade root beer before when my oldest son was in his earlier teen years. It is quite simple....root beer extract, sugar, water and a bottle of course. You should try it sometime.

Maple Planked Brie on the Big Green EGG

This kicked our Taste Buds A$$. I took a wheel of Brie....scraped off the top rind, mixed up some maple syrup and brown sugar, added some pecans and then roasted peppers and roasted jalapenos and topped off the brie. Put the wheel of Brie on the maple plank and bbq on the BGE until it starts to melt and gets oooey gooey.

Slap it on a platter w/some sliced green apples and baguette and DIG IN. I could have eaten a whole wheel by myself. Triple Creme Brie and coronary artery go hand in hand......

hmmmmm what to do with an abundance of fresh herbs that I NEVER expected to grow...

Make PESTO~basil, italian parsley, olive oil, parmesan, garlic, and toasted almonds in place of pine nutz (I am just not crazy about pine nutz). I also add a squeeze of squozen lemon in my pesto.

aaaaah doesn't she look delectable???

Pesto, Pasta, Peas and Grilled Chicken

Yup....we're making lemonade AGAIN You need to squoze about 15 lemons for 2 cups o'juice.

What to do with an abundance of Basil???? Hmmmm how about Strawberry Basil Lemonade???? Basil, strawberries, sugar and water simmer into a simple syrup...while cooling add in some lemon peel. Once cool, strain into your beverage carafe, add your lemon juice and another 2 cups or so of water.

Sip on your porch swing whilst looking out over the flower filled veranda.........

These bars are soooooooo goooood, I can't even tell you. These are Ina's PB&J Bars. I have made these several times. I have done 1/2 strawberry jam and 1/2 grape jelly but this time I did 1/2 grape jelly and 1/2 seedless blackberry jam. HOLY FRICKIN FRIJOLES.......these are just plain yummy. Make them!!! You won't be sorry.

Ina Garten's Peanut Butter and Jelly Bars

Hopefully I don't get a nasty gram for using this picture.

What's In Yer Beer Fridge

2008-06-05T20:16:00.000-07:00

Beer Fridge~Fridge that hangs out in your garage.

As one can see....I don't have much beer in my "beer fridge". This fridge has saved my ass numerous times taking all the overflow from my kitchen fridge. In my beer fridge you will find: pomegranite lemonade, a pitcher of iced tea, unopened pink champagne (a friend gave it to me), Mike's Hard Lemonade, every kind of diet pop you can imagine, club soda, 10 kinds of sno-cone syrup (my son's purchase) to go along with his Snoopy Sno-Cone Maker (you are such a pussy BEN), and tubs of leftovers, lunch for my husband the next day, tubs of dough from Artisanal Bread in 5 Minutes A Day, rancid heavy whipping cream, etc. etc., A leftover note my husband left in the fridge for me for Valentines Day that states "Honey, I love you, Happy V-day", another note that I wrote and place on his car window every night that says "DON'T FERGET U'R PHUCKING LUNCH"....he then takes the note and places it back in the fridge where his lunch was sitting, possibly some corona if I am making mexican food, oh and some vanilla pediasure that my kids drink every morning because they refuse to eat.

What is on my fridge??? Magnets from every state I have ever lived in or visited or vacationed, all the cirque du soleil shows I have attended and blue man groups I have gone to. My fridge is littered w/them. Tacky?? Perhaps, but a true beer fridge nonetheless. Is nonetheless one word or three...none the less or nonethe less or perhaps, none theless......who the frick cares!!

I think there is an orb on my fridge.

By George I Think I've Found It!

2008-05-29T17:05:00.001-07:00

Image "courtesy" of Starbucks

Our oldest son works at Starbucks and he loves it. He has held several jobs in his short life.....Target for over a year (hated it, bitched non stop, don't know how he made it a year), Amazing Pizza Machine (bitched about management non-stop, made it 4 months), Arby's (BEST DAMN JOB HE EVER HAD, or so he says), Barnes & Noble (we don't even want to go there) and now $5 Bucks.

I like coffee but I am a regular coffee drinker.....black with a little bit o'cream. None of this nonfat, soy latte, no foam, 3 shots and a squirt. I like the cold drinks but a little goes a long way....a couple sips is enough, I could never finish a whole one. Tonight I went in to try a Caffe' Misto (sounds like meeeesto) or otherwise known as a Cafe' Au Lait/Cafe' Con Leche or otherwise DBA (doing business as) coffe and steamed milk. I ordered a Venti, Decaff, Nonfat Misto w/ 3 squirts o' carmel. It was heavenly. I truly enjoyed this. It wasn't overly sue-weet like the gas station cappucino's out of the vending machine that give you a case of the squirts the minute you finish your cup (The coffee Poser LOVES those btw). It had a touch of sweetness from the carmel syrup and a light coffee flavor. This will definately be on my list now.......next time I will try with cinnamon dolce syrup. IT WAS FRICKIN FREE also........which is always the best. FREE makes things taste sooooo much better.

I was also the lucky recipient of a Short, Decaf, Iced, Extra Caramel, Caramel Macchiato (A signature Starbucks® beverage. A creamy mix of vanilla and freshly steamed milk marked with intense Starbucks® espresso, topped with velvety foam and our own proprietary buttery caramel sauce.) It was good but I could only drink a few sips.

A sample of caramel brownie, some kind of white chocolate toffee cookie (it broke so they couldn't sell it) niether was anything to rave about.

I know this post is probably boring and I can't think of too much funny to say this evening. I gotta go and change a poopy diaper and head to the airport to pick up the Coffee Poser. Ciao for now!

Oooh and one more thing........the coffee at my son's store is roasted in YORK, PA....I dont' know why I find that fascinating but I do. They only have 4 roasting facilities currently for all the stores. I never even thought of them having a roasting facility. I guess they are building a new one in South Carolina.

Kiss My Ass Cardiologist, I'm Taking Another Lipitor and Making StickyGooeyCreamyChewy Florida Pie

2008-05-28T18:55:00.001-07:00

Florida Pie

My friend over at Sticky, Gooey, Creamy, Chewy makes some pretty damn impressive desserts. Her photos rock the ass off of mine. She made this incredible pie a couple of weeks ago...Florida Pie. It is a key lime pie w/a homemade coconut cream base and then topped off with homemade whipped cream. Let's just say a scant over 3 cups of HEAVY CREAM in this pie. I had to make it. I didn't have any key limes so I just used regular. This pie is delicious and nutritious (not really but it does busta rhyme). Check out her website and the pie............This was my ghetto version!

About 1/2 cup of squozen limes...............phuck, the picture is sideways and I am too tired to counterclockwiseass it. If you do a yoga lizard pose it will look like it is upright, trust me!

Yes, it is a Pilsbury refrigerated pie crust beotch, bite me!

Coconut cream mixture.....just what it says Cream and Coconut, simmer til you just can't simma' no mo'

Pre-baked pie crust, coconut cream layer, lime filling and then bake about 12 minutes.

This was the best picture out of a sh*tty trio.

GOOD NIGHT IRENE!

PUCKER UP Sour Pusses.....We're Making Sweet Basil Lemonade

2008-05-26T12:23:00.000-07:00

This recipe is adapted from Giada de Laurentiis' Italian Lemonade found here
Italian Lemonade Recipe

I squoze about 15 lemons, hehehehe I said squoze.

Picked some sweet italian basil from my own purrrsonal stash on the deck. Steep it in a simple syrup w/heat for about 5 minutes and then let cool. I then mix my squozed lemons, 4 cups of cold water, and the basil simple syrup that has been strained of the basil in a large pitcher.

Serve over ice. This is soooooo incredibly good you have NO idea.

The possibilities here are endless....this would be really good w/a splash of Limoncello or Citrus Vodka....just a *splash*, let's not get carried away. It would also probably be mucho yummy w/rosemary or cilantro or lavender in place of the basil. If you like sweet basil you have to try this. So simple and so refreshing. It is one of our fave's. I also made my simple syrup this time w/splenda instead of regular sugar.

oooooh One more thing also. I have also done a 1/2 & 1/2 or Arnold Palmer with this.....1/2 Basil Lemonade and 1/2 Tazo Passion Fruit Tea......soooooooooo tasty.

My Pie Hole Be Stuft.......for now

2008-05-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

Tacky Jacks
Mexican Garbage
Handless Shellfish (steamed)
Roux Stew
Country Key Lime Pie
Peanut Butter Pie
Ice Water w/lemon
CRAPPY service got our dessert for FREE

Original Oyster House
Alligator Bites w/a jalapeno dipping sauce (Tastes like chicken...not really)
Josh’s Blackened Shrimp & Cheesy Grits (Holy Frick Was This Good)
Salad Bar w/the BEST DAMN PICKLED OKRA
Waaay too tan waiter w/sand crab tatooed on back of calf....excellent service

Mellow Mushroom Pizza
Salt and Parmesan Pretzels
Hummus
Spinach Salad
Cheese Pizza and Chicken Cordon Bleu Pizza
Waaaay toooo much food but it was waaaay too hard to choose

Lu Lu's at Homeport
1st Visit
Lu Lu's Fun Salsa & Chips & White Cheddar Queso (probably best damn white queso I have had)
Smoked Tuna Dip w/real tuna (4 year old ate most of it spread on saltines)
Crab Melt (okay, not spectacular...kind of soggy)
JALAPENO HUSH PUPPIES WOWEEEZOWEEE The BEST
Touchy Feely Waiter.......didn't really mind though....at this age, I will take it where I can get it.

2nd Visit
Lu Lu's Fun Salsa & Chips & White Cheddar Queso
JALAPENO HUSH PUPPIES
Lu Lu's Famous Seafood Gumbo (The roux is stirred until "your arm falls off")

Beautiful view at this restaurant....great place for kids to play all set up...huge sand mounds, pails, diggers, water fall, you can dock your boat, all seating is outside and inside but the place is completely open to the outside so it feels as though you are out even if you are in, located on the intracoastal waterway.

Crab Trap (no website)
Perdido Key, FL
Fried Grouper Sandwhich and coleslaw
Very Very Tasty
Great View on the water

Beach Club Resort Fort Morgan, AL
Blackened Sutchi (local fish) Sandwhich
Field Green Salad w/cherries, pecans, green apples, blue cheese and raspberry dressing

Hopes Cheesecake
2 Samplers (Okay, I agree we went overboard)
2 slices each of our top five flavors! New York, Key Lime, Strawberry, Bailey's & White Chocolate, and Turtle.
It was really good cheesecake....had a tang to it, very smooth and not real heavy.

Can you believe there was a Le Creuset OUTLET there and I didn't even go inside!!!!! I thought about it, but just wasn't in the mood to shop. I bought NOTHING the whole time I was there but food.

Alley Cat Cakes

2008-05-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

Our good friends have started to embark upon Cake Designing. They are doing a FABULOUS job so far and I thought I would post their site so you could see some of their work.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/alleycatcakes

If I was to have a Wedding Cake....this is what I would order. Plain and Classy....This is my favorite. Although they are all sooo good and hard to choose from. They taste mighty fine also.

Off to the Gulf

2008-05-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

I am off to the Gulf of Mexico today.............I may or may not check in. Just and fyi so those of you that do read didn't think I bit the farm. Wish me Happy Seafood Eating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BBQ Chicken Pizza from the Big Green Egg with fresh Cilantro from my pots.

Food Quirks......AND You Thought I Was Done

2008-05-15T13:36:00.001-07:00

41. I have no budget for groceries.
42. I DESPISE leftovers. I can no way shape or form eat the same thing 2 days in a row for supper/dinner. I eat the same thing everyday for breakfast and lunch and that does not bother me in the least. I guess I feel dinner is my reward for eating so well during the day.
43. I once bought a yellow heirloom watermelon at Whole Foods for $12. It was THE BEST DAMN WATERMELON I ever had.
44. I so want to like wine. I hate it. It all tastes like cough medicine to me. Plus you have to sip wine. I am NOT a sipper.
45. I also can't drink a glass of milk. I think milk is disgusting. I can dunk a cookie in milk and I can eat a bowl of cereal but I CANNOT drink a glass of milk.
46. I used sugar corn pops for Holy Communion one time while pretending with my friend B.Q. when we were younger. B.Q.'s mom was the head honcho to the priest at the church we attended. B.Q.'s mom was NOT impressed. Apparently I did not get extra points for blessing the corn pops prior to imaginative play. Some people are so hard to please.

These are herbs from my window boxes on my deck. Basil, rosemary, Italian flat leaf parsley.

Very Simple Dinner...Grilled a NY strip steak and sliced it over top Penne pasta tossed w/herbs from my window boxes and sundried tomato pesto, topped off w/shaved parmesan.

Vermont Cheddar Bread from Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day. This book has changed my baking life.

40 Food Quirks

2008-05-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

1. I loathe BANANAS. I like banana things, ie: pudding, bread. If I was a CIA spy and I was captured by the enemy and they wanted me to "talk", all they would have to do is threaten me with banana torture......I would sing like a newborn bird for a worm!
2. I like MAKING homemade ice cream BUT I DON'T like eating it. My favorite ice cream is Blue Bell. I love it!
3. Hot Fudge disgusts me in every way.
4. I don't really drink. I didn't even have a margarita at my own Cinco De Mayo party.
5. I eat a Luna/Cliff bar every morning for breakfast with a small coffee and 16 oz. of water.
6. I drink a flaxmeal smoothie almost everyday for lunch.
7. I don't like yogurt.
8. I don't really care for lasagna....I like ALL of the ingredients in lasagna BUT I don't really like lasagna.
9. When I was younger I use to take the cheese off of my pizza and reassemble the
toppings back on the bread MINUS the cheese.
10. I don't like fresh mozzarella.
11. I don't really care for tomatoes anymore. I used to LOVE them. I like sauce,
salsa, canned tomatoes in my soup etc. but just don't really care for fresh tomatoes anymore.
12. I could wear cinnamon as perfume everyday. I never get sick of it. I could rub my body down w/King Arthur Flour's cinnamon filling.
13. My favorite food is Mexican.
14. My favorite Italian food is Pizza.
15. I never want popcorn or toast unless someone else makes it first, AND THEN I want it.
16. I LOVE LOVE LOVE spicy food. I lOVE Jalapenos but they don't love me.
17. I miss really good Baja Fish Tacos.
18. California Pizza Kitchen is my favorite chain restaurant.
19. I can't bring myself to eat eggplant because it is purple and oblong. It is purple and oblong but yet they call it an egg-plant. It just freaks me out.
20. I make the worlds WORST potato salad. I have tried gazillions of recipes and it is always horrible. Maybe it is because I don't really care for potato sald. I don't know.
21. I think sushi is gross and tastes like it is wrapped in black electrical tape.
22. My favorite juice is Cranberry.
23. If I never ate meat again I would be alright with it.
24. I miss going to Panera on Saturday/Sunday mornings with my hubby and kids for coffee and pastries (no Panera in LR:()
25. I love Taco Bell but NEVER eat it.
26. I love Dr. Pepper but NEVER drink it. I actually craved Dr. Pepper when I was pregnant and peanut butter but not together.
27. If you put a piece of shaved parmesan on a mini pretzel twist and put the whole thing in your mouth.....you can pretend you are eating combos when you have no combos. I love combos BUT I never eat them.
28. I hated ranch dressing when it first surfaced years ago. I still feel the same way.
29. I don't like hot drinks except for coffee. I especially dislike hot tea.
30. I love Iced Black Tea and could drink it from sun-up until sun-down, BUT I don't.
31. I like mayonnaise on hamburgers and in macaroni salad and tuna/chicken salad. Other than that it disgusts me. Miracle Whip is for losers!
32. I sooo love "everything" bagels w/cream cheese.
33. A really good crusty bread, cheese and fresh fruit is one of the best meals!
34. I am more of a "thin crust" girl.
35. I will only eat an orange if it is sliced like a wagon wheel and then you cut the wagon wheel in 1/2.
36. If I never had to grocery shop again, I would be the happiest person on the planet.
37. I salt EVERYTHING. Kosher, of course!
38. I never really ate cheese until I married my husband almost 20 years ago.
39. I used to hate cheesecake. Now it is "ok". Okay enough to eat once in awhile anyway.
40. I love Ho Ho's. I haven't had one in years. When I am lucky enough to eat a Ho Ho, I always take off and eat the chocolate coating then proceed to unroll it as best I can and then eat it.

I call this one: Man frantically trying to roll chocolate waffle cones before ever reading directions on "How To Make Waffle Cones".

Ooompa Looompa enjoying a Mother's Day Homemade Chocolate Waffle Cone filled with Blue Bell Century Sundae Ice Cream.

The Bling Bling of the Cooking World

2008-05-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

Aaaah yes, the signature green ribbon and pineapple wrapping paper.....it MUST be from Williams Sonoma.

Did you know??Because pineapple was somewhat of a luxury item for early American colonists, the pineapple became a popular symbol of the ultimate in hospitality, and was painted on walls, furniture, doors and paintings as a “Welcome!” symbol

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A 9 1/2 Quart Oval Le Creuset Dutch Oven. This is the equivalent of a 9 1/2 carat diamond ring (in an obsessive foodie's world), and much better than anything I could put on my finger. I never even asked or hinted or even threatened any family member for this. TOTAL surprise. After almost 20 years of marriage my husband DOES know me......that in itself is even better than the gift (well, not really but shhh he may be reading this so I have to give kudos, you know how men are....they HAVE to have praise everytime they do something good, kind of like a doggie....so I will throw him this bone).

DAMN, I got nice legs!!! (yeah, so the attire could be a bit more desirable but I just got back from a 3 mile trek pushing the kiddos, I clean up nice, I swear I do).

Sphenopalatine Ganglioneuralgia otherwise known as a BRAIN Frrrrreeeeeeze

2008-05-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

I have just diagnosed myself with Sphenopalatine Ganglioneuralgia. Brain freeze is normally triggered within a few seconds of a cold substance coming into contact with the roof of the mouth. A stabbing or aching type of pain occurs, which usually recedes within 10–20 seconds, however the pain may occasionally last 30–60 seconds or, rarely, for up to five minutes.

In my case, A Serendipity Frrozen HOT Mint Chocolate was the culprit of my frozen brain syndrome.

A Frrrozen HOT Chocolate was created by a restaurant in NYC called Serendipity 3.
They sell their frozen mix concoction through Williams Sonoma. I received a canister the other night as a hostess gift from my Cinco party. I have had the regular frrrozen hot chocolate but never the mint. I decided to blend one up tonight.

1/2 c. mix, 1/2 c. milk and 1 1/2 c. ice cubes and whirl in a blender.
The Mint Chocolate was quite tasty.

Did you know.......in order to stop a brain freeze in its tracks you can push your tongue to the roof of your mouth to warm up and ward off the brain freeze. Try it...it really works.

TOAST

2008-05-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

Back in Nebraska, or NebraK-sa as our 4 year old says, we attended Kindermusik. We used to sing this song about Toast. Everyone would crouch down on the floor and chant in their best library voice................

Toast....toast....we like it a lot
Toast....toast....when will it ............POP

Of course, when it was time to say "POP"....you would jump up from your crouching position and yell "POP". Needless to say, this has stuck with us and our whole family sings it daily.

Since toast is in the food pyramid, I felt this was a fitting story!

LOL, so instead of "when monkeys fly out of my butt" you can now say "when toast flies out of my a$$".

Feliz Cinco De Mayo or Happy May 5th To All You Non-Spanglish Speaking Chumps

2008-05-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

I took this pic from BlueMountain Cards BUT I have a subscription so I figured I paid for it, eh

Ayyyycarrrrrummmmba....we're makin' salsa. There is no particular recipe...never make it the same way twice and I never measure. 1 28 oz can of diced tomatoes, 1 15 oz can of fire roasted tomatoes, part red onion, part of a red/yellow/green pepper, 1 jalapeno (seeded), juice of lime, garlic, salt, handful of fresh cilantro, chili pwder and cumin and pulse w/the food processor until desired consistency. I got a thumb's up on this salsa from our friend's daughter who CLAIMS she doesn't like vegetables or spices.....hmmmm salsa=vegetables AND spices hehehehehe...it be a spicy vegetable dish of delight w/crunchy chips.

HOLY FRIJOLES!!These were the beans for the part-hay....dried black and pinto's. No recipe here either...never make them the same way twice. Simmer beans in 1 bottle corona and chicken stock to cover, 1 jalapeno, part of a red/green/yellow pepper, red onion, cumin, chili pwder, garlic, salt and then simmer, simmer, and simmer until you can't simmer no more. LOL, SNL flashback.....remember when Cheri Oteri had that one skit where she would say "simma down, simma down now"....I LOVED THAT. Anyway, and then mash some of the beans w/potato masher so you have thick, creamy and chunky.

The beginnings of Fruit Salsa and Cinnamon Chips. Cut flour tortillas into wedges, spray w/butter flavored Pam, dredge in cinnamon sugar and bake.

Hotcha out of the oven and oh soooo good!

Fruit Salsa=Strawberries, Granny Smith Apples, Kiwis, Raspberries and a sprinkling of sugar and then a couple of tablespoons of blackberry jam and a squeeze of lemon.

This is so fricking yummy beotches, I can't even tell you. It even sits in the fridge well for a couple of days to munch on....minus the chips of course.

Psuedo-Churro's......puff pastry sprayed w/butter pam, dredged in cinnamon sugar and then cut into strips w/fluted pastry wheel.

Churro=A tasty treat from mexico now made all over the states, a bunch of dough dropped in to a bucket of hot oil and then sprinckled with sugar and cinnamon...

Churro also=In mexican slang means a rolled mary-jo-wana cigarette or joint. We dipped the churr's into cajeta spiked w/cayenne and cinnamon.
Cajeta=Cajeta is a Mexican confection of thickened syrup that in its most common incarnation is made of sweetened caramelized milk. (same thang as Dulce de Leche in Latin America, same time and same bat place).

That is about all I got. Forgot to take pics of the quesadillas and the chili con carne con queso through all the hub bub. Everything was a success and they all seemed to have fun. We had about 21 people total. I got some great hostess gifts and I deserved every freaken one of them!!!!

My husband and I did our own Cinco celebration today. Fish tacos, Beans and Fruit Salsa Margarita cups drizzled w/leftover fondue.

Tilapia marinated in olive oil/lime juice and then grilled, red/white cabbage w/shredded carrot, chili cream sauce on a grilled corn tortilla. This was an adaptation of an Ellie Krieger recipe.

Margarita glass filled w/leftover fruit salsa, topped w/pineapple and drizzed w/mexican caramel and mexican hot chocolate fondue and a side of cinnamon chips.

I leave you w/2 parting words. TORTILLA TOSSING
I have heard a couple of my fellow Texan Bloggers describe tortilla tossing. I balked and snickered when I read their posts. Thinking how trivial and this couldn't possibly be fun. Well, I stand corrected!!! I tossed a tortilla into the woods tonight from my deck and my husband and I proceeded to empty out the rest of the bag....aiming for the road, joggers, small critters in our backyard. HOLY FRIJOLES is it fun. I know, I know, there are people starving in Cambodia and I am tossing food around like ball...save it, Brangelina will take care of them...and they are my damn tortillas and if I want to toss them I will. They friggin fly really far and they get this really weird "air" to them....kind of like a boom-erang where they fly low and then all of a sudden they will take off up high and come back in a different direction. I dont know. It was crazy fun and we will be tortilla tossing again! Sorry I doubted you Texas Bloggers.

Holy Crap.....I have now been sitting here for an hour. My a$$ hurts BIG TIME. I am outta here.
adiós - goodbye
hasta luego - see you later
nos vemos - see you
hasta mañana - until tomorrow
chao - bye
ya me despido - it's time to say goodbye
Me dio mucho gusto conocerlo - it was nice to meet you (m)
Me dio mucho gusto conocerla - it was nice to meet you (f)
gracias por todo - thanks for everything
que te cuides - take care
nos divertimos mucho - we had a lot of fun
me la pasé bien - I had a good time
que te vaya bien - have a good one
ya me despido - I've got to say goodbye

I don't blame you if you didn't read all of this......I sure as hell wouldn't have. Skim the pictures and move on........stick a fork in me, I am done already!

Cinco De Mayo

2008-05-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

~Per Wikipedia Cinco de Mayo= (Spanish for "5th of May") is primarily a regional and not an obligatory federal holiday in Mexico. The holiday commemorates an initial victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín over French forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. The date is observed in the United States and other locations around the world as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride.

A common misconception in the United States is that Cinco de Mayo is Mexico's Independence Day; Mexico's Independence Day is actually September 16 (dieciséis de septiembre in Spanish), which is the most important national patriotic holiday in.

Per Urban Dictionary Cinco De Mayo= A beer-fest that occurs on May 5 of the year, with lots of tequila and margaritas.

This year I am going with the Urban Dictionary version of Cinco De Mayo. The last couple of days I have been planning a part-hay for my husband's management team. There will be 19 of us drinking Cherry Blossom Sling Margaritas.

We will be feasting on homemade salsa, chili con carne con queso (emeril's recipe), black and pinto beans simmered in corona with peppers (my recipe), chicken and cheese quesadillas cooked on the BGE, churros dipped in mexican caramel fondue, pineapple dipped in mexican hot chocolate fondue, and fruit salsa with cinnamon sugar tortilla chips, of course pitchers of cherry blossom sling margaritas and arnold palmer's.

I have been taking pictures and will post when this part-hay comes to an end.

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!!!!!!!!!!

It is 10:44 PM.....Do You Know Where Your Fingers Are??

2008-04-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

My fingers have been in this jar of peanut butter before trotting off to bed. Not real hygenic I know........but OH SOOOOO GOOOOOOD. Perhaps I should have used a spoon but it honestly DOES taste better when you dip your finger.

*yawn*...the new Bon Appetit awaits me with a Lattice Top Sour Cherry Pie on the cover.......I know what I am dreaming about tonight.

71 Bean Dulce de Leche Heath Bar C-R-U-N-C-H-A Buncha Cream

2008-04-29T19:34:00.001-07:00

Starbucks Pikes Place Roast 71 beans steeping in vanilla custard base

Hey Mr. Heath Bar....why don't you stop over *wink* and see me sometime *coo coo* purrrrrrrrrr

Have your Ooompa Loompa beat the FRIGGIN BEEJEEZUS out the heath bars.....if you don't have an oompa loompa you must get one pronto beotch!

Since heath bars have been beaten into submission by oompa loompa, they pour into the churning cream base quite nicely. The oompa loompa can get a bit lippy at times but I guess that is to be expected.

Now dollop globs of Dulce de Leche (homemade of course) all over your churned ice cream and swirl with a spatula.

Shake over more submissive heath bars and put in the deep freeze for a long winters nap or until hard.

Mexican Hotcha Hot Chocolate Ice Cream With Mallows

2008-04-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

Mexican Hot Chocolate: Is a rich beverage is made with unsweetened chocolate, milk, heavy cream sugar, cinnamon, eggs, and pure vanilla extract.

You know, everytime I open up a bar of Ghirardelli, I always feel like Charlie opening up his Wonka Bar looking for the Golden Ticket....perhaps it is because they are all wrapped in a mesmerizing gold foil. Then I am snapped back to reality and realize the jig is up and there ain't no damn Wonka World.

Everyone needs a jar of instant espresso (not expresso) in their cupboard. I add it to EVERYTHING that has a chocolate base. If you use just a teaspoon or 2 it doesn't impart any coffee flavoring, it just adds a depthness to your chocolate. This vietnamese cinnamon is the best....it is sooo pungent and intoxicating that I could wear it as perfume.

Uh, yes, pardon me, but I do believe those are my fingerprints in the chocolate custard ice cream base. If you look at it from the side it could pass for a bear paw print. Yeah, that's the ticket!!!

This is the Marsh I used for the Mallows

Ooompa Doompa Doompity Doo I've got another puzzle for you.....what do you get when you guzzle down SWEETS, eating as much as an elephant EATS (that's all I can remember)

Chocolate Custard Base churning

Into the deep freeze for a long winters nap or until hard.

Livin' La Vida Pocono

2008-04-25T20:48:00.001-07:00

Per Wiki~A Gummi bear is a small, rubbery-textured confectionery, roughly two centimeters long, shaped in the form of a bear
It is no secret that we love junk food. I call it ghetto food. Back in the spring of '98 we were transferred back to PA. Whilst living in PA, we took a few trips down to the Poconos for long weekends to relax and mountain bike. The poconos is or used to be known as one of the Honeymoon Capitals. Most of the rooms look like a bad boogie nights trip on acid. You almost feel as though you need a soft porn silkwood scrub down when you come out of there. Anyway, way off track. This IS a food post. One of the weekends we took our now 19 year old son (about 9 back then). We entered a candy store that was selling chocolate covered gummi bears. Quadruple ICK........who the hell thought of that??? Gummi bears are ok....I mean, you eat too many and it makes it difficult to drop the kids off at the pool the next day. BUT CHOCOLATE COVERED GUMMI BEARS IS AN ABOMINATION......doesn't even sound good. Fruity jelly rubbery goodness enrobed in chocolate, YUCK. Son buys them and my husband and I proceed to eat them. We couldn't leave them alone. Poor son finally coerces the bag of gummies away from 30 year old parents and proceeds to hide them in the glass lampshade right next to the light bulb. Oh, did I mention the light bulb was ON. We leave the room and go out to eat or do something come back to our room smelling like it was ON FIRE. No, we didn't turn out the lights when we left......we weren't so GREEN back then. We are looking high and low for the culprit of burning smell when finally said son, says oh look, my gummi bear bag has a whole burnt in it. What is the moral of this story??? I don't know. I am tired and for whatever reason this memory came to me today and it dealt with food. I guess you could say the moral is.........30 year olds shouldn't eat gummi's.....or 30year olds shouldn't steal candy from their kids.......don't hide your bag of gummies in a lamp......or you could burn the Pocono's down.

Caesar Salad

2008-04-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

Per Wikipedia~A typical Caesar salad comprises romaine lettuce and croutons dressed with Parmesan cheese, lemon juice, olive oil, egg, Worcestershire sauce, and black pepper originally prepared tableside. Cesar Cardini (Italian-born Mexican) is credited with creating the salad
Anchovy Paste

Apple Cider Vinegar, garlic, lemon juice, wooooosteshire (hehe), pepper, anchovy paste, salt, sugar, dry mustard, onion powder, egg yolks, olive oil, parm, romano and then whirl it in the food processor like you are swinging fat Betty during the church square dance.

Finished Product

Our eldest son's favorite salad is the Caesar. I like them....don't love them. I guess I am just not the BIGGEST fan of caesar dressing.....not even the "from scratch" version. I have always wondered........is it still a Caesar Salad if I put ranch on it, or perhaps balsamic, or even a creamy dijon (I really like it with a creamy dijon dressing). I mean, if I use romaine hearts, croutons and shaved parm and then I put creamy dijon on it, what kind of salad is it then????? Something for one to ponder over.

WANTED: The person who defaced these cupcakes Food Reward Offered

2008-04-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

I am in fear of the mistreatment of cupcakes. I found this posted on "someones" blog. I won't name any names to possibly protect the innocent (if you REALLY are). Please be rest assured this matter is being investigated thoroughly by the food po po into whether their is justification in the mistreatment of these cupcakes. Was the recipe really in error or did you just royally mess it up and now these cupcakes have to suffer??????? Please esplain yourself Lucy!

If you recognize these cupcakes and know some information please don't hesitate to call toll free 1-800-FOOD-PO-PO with any tips or leads. There is a food reward of 1 dozen cupcakes.

Autobiographical Picture Story by Chocolate Cupcake with Peanut Butter Frosting

2008-04-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

Wet Mixture: sour cream, buttermilk, espresso
Dry Mixture: flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, salt
Creamed Mixture: butter, sugar, light brown sugar, vanilla

You MUST alternate wet/dry ingredients....starting with the wet in a 3 part increment or the food po po will write your ass a ticket.

Po Po=phucking cops

Cupcake Meltdown=Emotional reaction one has when told cupcakes are not quite ready.

Going in to sunbathe for about 18 minutes on 350...rotate 1/2 way through

Yeah, pretty soon I will be getting a peanut butter facial.
*sick side note....my husband ALWAYS says "penis butter" instead of "peanut butter", what is it with men and their diks??? 41 years old and still acts like Beavis & Butthead.

Nothing but the best for me....all natural....peanuts and sea salt.

1 Peanut Butter Facial: All natural peanut butter, butter, cream, vanilla and powdered sugar

Schmear liberally all over face of the cupcake.

Dunk in Hub's Chopped Peanuts from Virgin-i-a (these are the best peanuts in the world)

Eat one cupcake........proceed

You might as well finish off the other one too.

I Fondue.......Do You?

2008-04-07T19:10:00.001-07:00

Chocolate Caramel Pecan Fondue with Dippers of Mini-mallows, Walkers Shortbread Fingers, Butter Waffle Cookies, Meringues, Pineapple, Strawberries, Pretzel Rods, and last but not least Amaretti.

I have two of these Cuisinart stainless fondue pots. They were birthday gifts from my husband and parents a couple of years back. I really got into fondue after visiting the Melting Pot about 4 years ago. It is a blast to go there. I have recreated the whole experience at home.......the cheese course, the meat course in grapeseed oil and then the dessert course. Doing all 3 is an EXTREME amount of work. I mostly just stick w/the cheese or dessert course. They are very simple and quick to put together. Anyway........these are the pictures of the fondue we had while entertaining our friends from OH the week of Easter. I hope they make you drool as much as they do me!

Hawt Dawg Sins: Confessions from a Recovering Catholic

2008-04-06T20:40:00.001-07:00

GEORGE OSGOOD/Star-Gazette

Me: Bless me Father for I have sinned. Priest: Yes child, continue. Me: Today I inhaled two grilled Hebrew National Kosher All Beef Franks with diced red onion and Gludens spicy brown mustard on a soft Sara Lee bun. Priest: This is pretty despicable....For penance keep a running tab of Hail Mary's and Our Father's in succession until I can get back with you, I need to consult the Bishop on this one.

In a sacramental understanding of the term, "penance" applies to the whole activity from confession to absolution.

Cake of Coco~Nuttiness: A Visual Feast in Sequential Pictures

2008-04-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

Poking holes in the cake...Good Times (borrowed from The Jennings, I think they have "good times" copyrighted)

Sour cream, coconut milk, sugar, coconut mixture

Double decker that uneven bad boy

7 minute frosting, although mine was done in 5 minutes

Phuck, whilst frosting my cake I realize that I forgot to add my vanilla and almond extract due to 4 year old pestering me throughout the process.....oh well, trudge on and trudge forth soldier the blood bath awaits.

Topped w/toasted slivered almonds w/the skin on, toasted coconut and small amount of grated Scharffenberger Bittersweet 70% Cacao

From my lips to your hips..........enjoy

Hawt Dawg Apologies

2008-04-04T23:16:00.001-07:00

A hot dog is a type of fully-cooked, cured and/or smoked moist sausage of soft, even, texture and flavor. It is usually placed hot in a soft, sliced bun of approximately the same length as the sausage, and optionally garnished with condiments and toppings. Also called frankfurters, frank, weenie, wienie, wiener, dog, and red hot.Every year, Americans consume on average 60 hot dogs.
Today I was preparing to run to Fresh Market to pick up a couple of items. Before I was to leave the house, my 4 year old son looks at me with eyes as wide as saucepans and says "Can you buy me some hawt dawgs"? I looked at him a bit surprised and said "Come again"...."did you say hawt dawgs"?. He said "yes". I reply with "Where did you hear of hawt dawgs"?

Now mind you....I am not a hawt dawg hater. We just don't eat them. I mean, maybe twice a year on the grill. I remember cooking them one time last summer and it was only because Tyler Florence did THE ULTIMATE CHILI DOG. And oh it was. It was fantastic. I also love a Portillo's Hot Dog from Chicago. I am not a dog snob, I swear. I kick myself in the ass everyday for never going to Pink's in L.A. when I lived there for 1 1/2 years.

A Hawt Dawg can also be: Someone who likes to show-off or standout. Can be used as a synonym for douche bag.

Anyway, back to the boy. I reply with "Where did you hear of hawt dawgs"? He states "In the movie Transformers". (yeah I let my kid watch Transformers, so sue me). So I say "Sure, I will see if they have some hawt dawgs"....knowing full well that Fresh Market probably doesn't have hawt dawgs but if they do, they will be Hebrew National. Hebrew National Kosher are the only dawgs I will buy. I guess I feel safe knowing the sodium erthobate (ie:worms) are blessed by the Rabbi. I mean, if you are going to eat creepy crawlies you might as well get the ones that have been prayed over, right???

I go through the checkout.......pineapple, POM, red grapefruit, herbed goat cheese, olive oil, dried black beans, sundried tomatoes, tortellini, ricotta, peppers, KAF AP flour, White Lilly Self rising flour, coconut, yo baby yogurt, coconut milk....you get the point. The check out lady says "wow, someone must be quite the home chef"......just then the HOT DOGS AND BUNS get scanned. I start fidgeting nervously and trying not to look at the guy behind me...judging me for buying hot dogs. I then strike up a conversation with checkout lady telling her the hot dog story with my son and laughing nervously and having rapid eye movement....feeling like I have to apologize for buying hot dogs.....or for giving my kid hot dogs. WHO FEEDS THEIR KIDS HOT DOGS???? I mean on July 4th it is ok......a bbq at the beach is ok.....the annual block party is ok, but you don't let your kid dine on hawt dawgs regularly.

The Dachshund is notorious for looking like a hot dog (the most likely reason that hot dogs got their name was their likeness to the dachshund).

I dash home and I don't even get in the door.....the little scrawny fellow was waiting for me with baited breath. Did you get hot dogs....did they have hot dogs?? Yes, I say but you are going to have to wait until I get this unpacked. Every 5 seconds....I want a hot dog....can I have a hot dog. I finally pull the dawgs out and he gives me a blank look, a quizzical look, very puzzled and says "Those aren't hawt dawgs". WHAT???????????????? I plop the dawg in boiling water and turn the heat off and let the dawg sit for 5 minutes, Pull the dawg out, throw it in a bun, ketchup, mustard...........present it to him........he takes one bite, fidgets with it for 4 minutes and says "I want some carrots". He proceeds to eat a half bag of baby carrots and that was the end of the hawt dog and my sanity!!

According to the urbandictionary.com a Hot Dog is also:
When you are standing or walking someplace with your dik hanging out of your zipper.

1. Before I went home on my last day of work, I hot dogged Juanita in her cubicle.

2. I was hot dogging for a half hour at the concert before the bouncer told me to put it away!

3. I dare you to hot dog the clerk while asking where the banana hammock's are. (my purrrrrsonal favorite)

A Culinary 3 Way= The Yeast Virgin,Mr. Artie Choke and Popeye

2008-04-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

This is a yeast virgin. Historically, virgin referred to a young woman with no sexual experience (this is definately not a problem in her case, shhhh don't tell her husband), but in modern usage, the term can apply regardless of age or gender. Both historical and modern definitions vary in regard to what kind of sexual activity or experience determines virginity, and whether it is a physical, psychological, or spiritual state.

The term is also applied informally to non-sexual matters. The first journey of a ship might be called its maiden or virgin voyage. It is commonly used in reference to purity; olive oil is called virgin or extra-virgin if it comes from the first pressing and contains no refined oil. A similar connotation is moral purity due to inexperience; cocktails might be described as virgin when prepared without alcohol.

In this case....she is a yeast virgin. Someone who has not made a yeast raised bread. We now, however, can call her a Carb-Ho! Whilst visiting my house she got to reading Artisan Bread in 5 minutes a day. Can we make some bread, I am afraid of yeast, she says. So, we made.......................................................

Pump-Her-Nickel (pumpernickel) is a type of German bread traditionally made with rye meal. It is now often made with a combination of rye flour and whole rye berries.

She became affectionately known as the Carb-Ho when she went from yeast virgin to churning out 4 loaves of pump-her-nickel. Impressive for any beginner.

What better to go with pumpernickel than hot artie-choke and spinach (popeye)dip.

Did you know: At normal strength, Popeye appears capable of lifting or pressing approximately 4,000lb, when invigorated by spinach, he can lift or press about 36 tons.

Jib Jab w/KAF

2008-04-02T12:39:00.000-07:00

My email to KAF:

I am having a problem w/cinnamon bread collapsing. It rises while baking and comes out great and as it cools or perhaps even before cooling...the inside of the bread collapses away from the top crust. I ALWAYS have a hollow 2 inches from where my actual bread swirl starts and my top crust when I cut. I had called your hotline yesterday and the woman told me to put some slashes in my bread (fairly deep ones) to let the steam escape. I did this w/the last 2 loaves in my bunch and it baked up great and almost thought it solved the problem but again.....right after coming out of the oven w/in minutes the bottom layers had sunk considerably away from my top crust. What am I doing wrong??? This has happened w/every recipe I have used....I have used frozen bread dough, fresh bread dough, babka dough and I am using the King Arthur Baker's Cinnamon filling. I can send pictures if you need them but I can't seem to get an answer anywhere to what is happening. I am baking in a loaf pan, le creuset variety. I have calibrated my oven and use a thermometer EVERYTIME I bake. I am not using a convection setting, just a normal bake setting. Help me please. Thanks for any input you can give me. I have also made several other batches of bread....pita, rye, pumpernickel, ciabatta and I am not having any problems cooking those. It is just the cinnamon bread that you roll like a jelly roll.

KAF response:I hope this information will be helpful. Please email again if we can be of further assistance.

My reply: What information?? You didn't send me anything.

Their reply: Hello,I'm sorry you are having problems getting Joan's message. I think we talked on the phone. What I like to do is roll the loaf up loosely into a log after I have spread it with the filling. Then I cut the log in half the long way except for about 2" at the top. It ends up lookinglike a pair of trousers. I turn the cut sides (the legs) up and twistthem loosely together. Then place the loaf in the pan and let it rise as usual, and bake as usual. This seems to stop or at least decrease thetendency to have that big gap between the top and the rest of theloaf.If you don't like the swirl effect and prefer the spiral, just try to roll the dough up very loosely. Sometimes that works better than trying to roll it really tight, to prevent the gap. I hope these tips help.
Mary Customer Care King Arthur Flour

So, basically I took my babka dough....rolled it like a jelly roll, folded it under and cut it like a pair of assless chaps in a gay pride parade.....braided it like a naked pretzel twister tournament and laid it back in my loaf pan and it is rising as we speak. We'll see what happens................................................... Who says "trousers"??? The only time I ever hear that word is when my husband says "Trouser Trout" and laughs like a 13 year old puberty stricken child.

Babka=It is a spongy yeast cake that is traditionally baked for Easter Sunday. Darra Goldstein, professor of Russian at Williams College says "babka comes from baba, a very tall, delicate yet rich yeast-risen cake eaten in Western Russia and Eastern Poland."[1] Traditional babka has some type of fruit filling, especially raisins, and is glazed with a fruit-flavored icing, sometimes with rum added. Modern babka may be chocolate or have a cheese filling.

It All Started With 16 Egg Yolks

2008-04-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

This is the beginning of my Cinnamon and Chocolate Babka.....16 egg yolks, count'em 16

This dough is extremely wet due to all the yolks and butter and you must refrigerate before using. I ended up cleaning runaway dough twice during this process. My dough rises really fast here. I turned around and looked at my container and my dough was up to the rim. I turned back around a few minutes later and my dough had bubbled over my container and all over my gas cooktop. I would have had pictures but multitasking while pissed is not one of my strong suits.

Scharffenberger Bittersweet Chocolate for one Babka and Baker's Cinnamon Filling from King Arthur Flour for the other Babka.

3/4 cup of bittersweet chocolate

Ready to take a 1 hr 40 min nap before my bake

After 35 minutes in the sun

a monkey on someone's back = a serious problem that will not go away

I have a serious Culinary Monkey on my back that is rearing it's ugly head. This monkey keeps throwing a wrench in all my cinnamon breads. EVERYTIME I make a cinnamon bread the minute it comes out and starts to cool my bread separates from my top crust. Never fails. This has happened w/fresh dough, frozen dough and now babka dough. I called the KAF Baker's Hotline today for some advice and they told me to slash my dough before baking to let steam escape. I did that with the 2nd batch of loaves and the same thing happened. UGH! I now have a lengthy email into their bake professional hotline and am awaiting an answer. The bread tastes incredible but I always end up with a gaping 2 inch whole from my top crust to my inside swirly layers. HELP........has anyone else had this problem???? I am sick of this monkey flinging pooh at my cinnamon bread. I know I could just always make rolls and I love rolls, but I want to conquer cinnamon bread. I have not made a loaf yet that this hasn't happened. Everytime I think I have this quandry figured out.......I don't!

And now I have a mess to clean up.......I am outta here!

Cheesecake Part Deux~Its Savory Kissing Cousin.... Roasted Red Pepper

2008-03-31T21:21:00.001-07:00

Part Deux:A superfacial, unnecessary, or overly bad sequel to a classic film. Usually the second film in the series though not always. Adding the phrase to a movies title is similar to adding the "electric boogaloo."

This is the beginnings of a Roasted Red Pepper Savory Cheesecake. This recipe is posted on www.recipesschmecipes.blogspot.com

These are made in the mini springform pans and cooked in a water bath. The water bath will keep your cheesecake from cracking.

I am tearing up just looking at these. They are scrumpdidallyumptious! Can someone get me a kleenex please???

Okay, you caught me....I borrowed this last picture from the food network (thanks guys). Whilst preparing this savory appetizer for my guests from Ohio (the flatlanders), I got a little carried away and forgot to take a picture of the final presentation just before chow down......we went straight to chow down. How ghetto of us. I don't think Giada would mind that I BORROWED her picture...plus she just had a baby today so she will be too busy to even miss it. Congrats on the baby Giada...call me. Anyway, this savory cheesecake is absolutely to die for. You can make them and put them in the fridge and I have also froze them. They are great with crackers, toasted baguette, and carrots and celery. I could eat a whole one by myself and probably have, but shhhhh don't tell anyone. 3 of us devoured 2 of these cheesecakes before my hubby got home....he didn't even know we ate them *evil laugh*.

Go to recipesschmecipes NOW and get this recipe and make it pronto beotch!!! You won't be sorry!

Stay tuned for this week........drrrrrum rrrrroll puhleaze...brrrrrrrrrrum. I MAKE CINNAMON AND CHOCOLATE BABKA!!!!!!!!!!!!! In honor of this luscious eggy velvety bread I have posted one of my favorite Seinfeld clips....the Cinnamon Babka. Please take a look see and come back this week to find out how my Babka turned out! I am beyond excited to make this....I feel a rude NY accent coming on!!

http://recipesschmecipes.blogspot.com/

Pocket Bread and Hummus

2008-03-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite appetizers at California Pizza Kitchen is their Pita Bread and Hummus. Pita (also called and more commonly known as pitta or pita bread and pronounced "pitta" in Greek[1]) is an often round, brown, wheat flatbread made with yeast.Hummus (also variously spelled hamos, houmous, hommos, hommus, hummos, hummous or humus) is a dip or spread which in modern recipes is made from blended chickpeas, sesame tahini, lemon juice and garlic. Hummus has been a dietary staple in various local forms throughout the Middle Eastern world for thousands of years.[1] The dish is served in a variety of cultures.

Wrap in cotton kitchen towels after baking and your pita will deflate as it cools. I made family style pita's....meaning they were pizza size since we were cutting them into wedges for dipping into humus instead of filling the pocket like a sandwhich.
PITA is also the acronym for PAIN IN THE ASS
example: "Wow, that girl Sandy is a real pita".

Yes, that is my thumb in the picture. I work on a tight budget here....I don't have any oompa loompas to hold open my pita's while I take a shot. Cut me some slack, this isn't Wonka World people....this is real life and thumbs sometimes get in the way.

Tahini is a paste of ground sesame seeds used in cooking.

I really love this recipe because it uses cannellini beans instead of chickpeas. Cannellini's are known as the white kidney bean. They are very popular in Italy, especially in Tuscany and also in the Swanson house.

End Result......Hummus topped w/roasted red peppers w/Pita dippers.

Last but not least........I MADE FRICKIN PITA BREAD. Who the hell makes pita bread???? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHEESECAKE Dulce de Leche

2008-03-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

Cheesecake=A dessert pie with filling made from soft cheese such as ricotta, Philadelphia or farmer's cheese. Commonly lemon or vanilla flavored, baked without top crust and often topped with fruit. (Technically a pie, not a cake, since it is unleavened and contains little or no flour)

Cheesecake=A genre of glamour photography and poster art made popular in wartime pin-ups of the 1940's, often featuring modest poses by movie starlets displaying lots of leg but little explicit nudity. So called because of the resemblance of a stocking-clad female thigh to the layers of a cheesecake dessert

Cheesecake=(Hence) Any pictures, modeling, posing or shooting for glamour photography or softcore porn.

Cheesecake=Anything that is soft, sweet and enjoyable.
Okay, Baby-- show me a little cheesecake

Cheesecake=A photography artform which depicts a scantily clad young woman, usually a bit on the 'meaty' side, in sexy poses for pinup purposes.
Cheesecake art has been around for quite some time.

Cheesecake=a secret organization of radiohead related compilations. extremely secretive. very hard to find. only an elite few are aloud in. is sometimes used as an inside joke between one cheesecaker and the other.
"I love cheesecake!"
"really me too!"
"you know what im talkin about?"
"yeah, them boys!"
"teehee!"
Cheesecake=The female equivalent of a beefcake

Cheesecake=A freakin' tasty dessert. I could go for one right now...
Damn, that was one freakin' tasty cheesecake!

~thankstotheurbandictionary

*This was in Rachael Ray's magazine....the only addition I did differently was I used 1/3 fat cream cheese and I put orange zest all over the top of mine. See the recipe here:
http://recipesschmecipes.blogspot.com/

Milk Candy d.b.a. Dulce de Leche

2008-03-28T08:42:00.001-07:00

Here is what your sweetened condensed milk should look like after a 3 hour simmer. Yes, caramel heaven.......This is a very easy process and produces a high quality product. The only store bought dulce de leche I have purchased is through Williams Sonoma and it costs 18 smackers for the jar. Now I don't know about you, but I can make a whole hell of a lot more on my own for that price. Don't go out and buy any of that smuckers bullsh*t.....that is not dulce de leche. It is flavored and dyed chemicals in a plastic container. It is not thick. Your dulce should be thick and spreadible. I make a killer homemade ice cream w/this stuff. You can also refrigerate it for a few days until you are ready to use it......out of the can of course and you can also freeze it in a ziploc container....I have done so. So saddle up your deepest widest pan and plop in a couple of sweetened condensed milks and simmer away....use some and freeze some. You won't be sorry. Hopefully I will remember to take pics of the cheesecake when I am done.

Dislcaimer: No eyes or diks were hurt during the filming of this blog.

Always remember, if at anytime someone wants one of my recipes just email me. I have 2 small kids and only have time to type the basic blog. I am not going to take the time to post recipes unless someone actually wants it.

Oooh La-La, Milk Candy Cheesecake

2008-03-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

Dulce de leche in Spanish or doce de leite in Portuguese ("milk candy"), is a milk-based syrup. Found as both a sauce and a caramel-like candy, it is popular across Latin America. It is prepared by slowly heating sweetened milk to create a product similar in taste to caramel.

I have always made my own Dulce de Leche. It is quite simple. Take cans of sweetened condensed milk, tear off paper, submerse in water, bring up to a simmer and simmer for 3 hours. I find this process works the best. I have tried others and was not impressed. I know what everyone says "Don't do that the can will explode".....well, my can has never exploded and hopefully I am not jinxing myself by writing this. I have always thought that the cans that exploded on other Forons (food morons) is because they took to boiling the hell out of the can instead of keeping it at a minimal simmer.....trust me this is all you need, you don't have to beat it like a red headed step-child. I know, I know, just like mom used to say "It is all fun and games until someone gets poked in the eye with a dik, er, I mean stick, yeah, I think it is stick"....I always mess that one up. Anyway, Me and my milk have hunkered down for a long simmer tonight and hopefully we will be producing a Dulce de Leche cheesecake this weekend at some point. Wish Me Luck!

It is going to be a long night.......pull up a chair and have an espresso brownie.

Mmmm Good or Weird Food Fetish????

2008-03-26T14:51:00.000-07:00

I purrrsonally did not think there was anyway to ghetto-ize Nutella but our flatlander friends from Ohio have done so. If you are Italian you may want to cover your eyes during this posting. At first I was concerned, skeptical, a little nauseated. How could this be??? How could someone violate an oreo in this manner. I almost felt as though I was watching a snuff film.....I felt dirty and disgusted. It was a train wreck situation where you want to turn away but you can't help but look or eat in this situation. Yes, I am talking about dunking oreo's IN nutella. I apologize for this post.....I realize this is an uncommon siutation. I mean oreo's are not meant to be phucked with in any shape or form. The only allowable anhilation for an oreo is the swirl, lik and dunk. SWIRL, LIK, DUNK PEOPLE!!!! Swirl off the chocolatey lid, lick the creamy white center and then dunk in milk. There is NO OTHER WAY......or is there??? My dude, Joey, violated an oreo right in front of my eyes......he didn't swirl or lik but he dunked......oh my he dunked....he dunked into a jar of nutella and proceeded to stick the whole oreo in his mouth like he was consuming a piece of sushi. I was horrified....but intrigued at the same time. I felt all squishy inside but at the same time I knew this was SO WRONG. After all the jeering and prodding, I gave in like a prisoner after chinese water torture and munched a nutella oreo. I won't say I loved it, but it was tasty. I will file it under 11:30 am pantry raid desperation. I still think SWIRL, LIK, DUNK IS THE ONLY WAY TO EAT AN OREO. Nice try Joey!

Nutella Addendum:VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL….you have to put the Oreo in “Nutella tongue side down” and push the Nutella forward to cover the entire bottom of the Oreo” before eating!

More to Come............

2008-03-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it WAS a fun filled food week w/friends. I have some pictures but plenty to blog about. It will be coming in spurts over the next week.......it may amuse you, make you belly laugh, cry, want to kick your dog, have disgust or disdain for the blogger, or perhaps even divorce your spouse but whatever emotions my writings may spur, may the Life, Liberty and Pursuit for Ho Ho's never leave your sight and may all your Marshmallow Peeps be Stale!

Driver Blames Speeding on Poorly Dunked Oreo

2008-03-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

If I didn't know better I would have thought this was my husband..................

He lost control of his BMW while fishing out cookie he lost in a cup of milk

SALISBURY, Conn. - Police say a man's excuse for speeding through a small Connecticut town takes the cake, or at least the cookie.

A state trooper who stopped the 1993 BMW last fall says its driver, 28-year-old Justin Vonkummer of Millerton, N.Y., blamed his driving problems on an errant Oreo.

Vonkummer told the trooper that an Oreo had slipped out of his hand as he dunked it in a cup of milk, and that he was trying to fish it out when he lost control of his car.

Prosecutors learned in court last week that a clerk had mistakenly noted in court records that Vonkummer had been charged with driving under the influence, rather than speeding and driving with a suspended license.

~per msnbc world news

Still Alive

2008-03-17T09:37:00.001-07:00

I am STILL alive but I have visitors this week. I have been cooking and taking pictures and will upload as soon as I have some breathing room. Not that they are all that exciting but the rest of you must have a more boring life than my own if you are awaiting my posts HAHAHAHAHA J/K.........SEE YOUR AUNTS POST ANNE!

Eggs on Rye

2008-03-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

A common saying in modern day Alaska is "eggs on rye" which is an expression used when something tastes delicious. These lil'artisan loaves speak for themselves. They turned out quite well and very tasty. Of course we had pastrami/swiss/sauerkraut paninis on them.

Carpet Slipper

2008-03-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

Instead of a Brazillian Butt Implant my cheaper recommendation is to either get Brioche Assssss or Ciabatta Assssss. Either works well. My favorite bread hands down is Ciabatta.....I love making paninis out of it. But there is nothing like a bottle of olive oil and a loaf of ciabatta and yourself......standing at the island in your kitchen. Ripping off hunks of ciabatta and then drizzling with some really good EVOO. Of course, if you are standing at your island it doesn't really count because you are not sitting down to eat *wink wink*....if you know what I mean. I keep forging forward with trying to make bread on my BGE. I keep failing miserably. I went through 4 ciabatta the other day. This is what ciabatta is supposed to look like........from Carpet Slipper:

To Carpet Muncher:

*Disclaimer: MANY ciabatta were either maimed or killed during the filming of this blog.

Just in case you didn't know:Ciabatta (literally, carpet slipper because of its shape), pronounced correctly IPA: cha-BAT-ta, but often in English IPA: see-a-BAT-a,[citation needed] is an Italian white bread made with wheat flour and yeast. The loaf is somewhat elongated, broad and flattish and, like a slipper, should be somewhat collapsed in the middle. ~per wikipedia

Almond Chocolate Chip Cookies

2008-03-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

These are Giada De Laurentiis' Almond Chocolate Chip Cookies. These cookies consistently turn out great!

Brioche Update

2008-03-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, so get this......I bake off another one of these Almond Brioche "Bostock". My hubby takes it into work. He comes home and says: the guys said that was the best BUNDT CAKE they have ever had. Bundt Cake??? Does it look like a friggin BUNDT CAKE??? There is no way in HELL it tastes like a FRIGGIN BUNDT CAKE. Next time I hock a loogie and send in "no bakes"........the ungrateful bastards. It may have been a compliment but it was NO BUNDT CAKE.

Moo Moo Salads

2008-03-12T20:39:00.001-07:00

Moo Moo Salad: Beef Tournedos, spinach, cranberries, toasted pecans, sweet potato fries, hard boiled eggs, cucumber and poppy seed dressing.

Moo Moo Salad 2: Beef Tournedos, red leaf/romaine lettuce, sundried tomato fries, cucumber, hard boiled egg, cucumber, cheddar and santa fe vinaigrette.

Dislcaimer: No sweet potatoes were injured or killed during the filming of this blog.

Tournedos is one of the many French food names and cooking terms that have been carried over into English directly, such as foie gras, bouquet garni, génoise, etc. The exhaustive Larousse Gastronomique says you can consider the tournedos to be a small, round slice taken from near the end of the tenderloin, which is normally sautéed or grilled. In common usage, any part of the tenderloin is apt to be called tournedos on a restaurant menu.

The Coffee Poser Steee-Rikes AGAIN

2008-03-12T20:34:00.001-07:00

I am embarassed to say that one of those creamers actually says "White Chocolate Mudslide" and the other is "French Vanilla". Should I be worried that these belong to a grown man???? Perhaps this a question for a therapist. I guess I should be glad he is going to the fridge for his "International Delight" and not the "Emperor's Club". No one really knows what goes on behind closed fridge doors.

Eggceptional Eggstravaganza

2008-03-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

Him: Hey Honey, can I help you with anything??
Me: Nah....oh yeah, go ahead and peel the hard boiled eggs for the steak salads.
Him: hmmm, grabs an egg, tap tap, crack crack crack, tap tap, peel pick peel pick pick pick pick pick *10 minutes goes by*.....water is running....finally the first egg is born.
Me: uh, you aren't done yet.
Him: uh, which do you think peels an egg faster....warm or cold water???
Me: why are you using water?
Him: tap tap tap......crack..........peels egg under warm running water.....finally after another 10 minutes egg #2 is born.
Me: uh, you gonna be done sometime this century??
Him: well you gave me the hardest job in the kitchen.
Me: ARE YOU FRICKIN SERIOUS???? You run a 550+ person facility and YOU are telling ME that peeling 4 hard boiled eggs is the hardest job I could have given you in the kitchen??????? Puhleaze, let us NOT go there.
Him: tap tap tap tap tap tap, crack, crack, crack, tap, tap, tap

He's no Eliot Spitzer BUT he IS mine.......................................

More To Come.............

2008-03-10T18:03:00.000-07:00

I am carbo'ed out. Each ass cheek at this point has to look like a loaf of brioche. It sure feels like it after this weekend. I have a nasty case of brioche'assssssss.

So Much Time and So Little To Do (Strike that and Reverse it)

2008-03-08T19:26:00.000-08:00

So Much Time and So Little To Do.......Strike That and Reverse It~Willy Wonka
BRIOCHE
The doomed Marie Antionette is often quoted as saying "qu'ils mangent de la brioche," which means "let them eat brioche," not "let them eat cake (gaiteau)"!~artisan bread in 5 minutes a day

Several days ago I prepared a Brioche recipe from the book Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day. The recipe makes four 1-lb. loaves. I finally got around to using it Friday night. This is what became of the dough:

This is what is known as Almond Brioche "Bostock". It is a combination of buttery brioche, almond cream and orange zest-infused sugar. HOLY FRICKIN FRIJOLES is all I have to say. Life is Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!!

Then today I used another pound of the dough for this:

This is a Brioche Loaf FILLED WITH CHOCOLATE GANACHE

~As Fred Sanford would say "I'm Coming Elizabeth, I'm Coming"

I still have 1 1/2 lb. of the dough left to which I will make another "Bostock" and send it into work w/my hubster on Monday for his peeps.

Ham and Italian Bean Soup
On Friday, This:
Became This:
Which in turn, became this: It was one of those DUMB ASS moments.........don't even ask. All is good though. The soup was saved. Really good too. I used a combination of both chicken and beef stock and white wine, carrot, celery, shallot, bay leaf, thyme, garlic, dried Italian beans and a spiral sliced ham. Let's just say I need a new crockpot.

Tonight was Chicken Quesadillas on the BGE

Rotisserie white wine/herb pulled chicken, roasted red/yellow/jalapeno peppers, black beans, corn, cotija and cheddar cheese on sundried tomato/spinach tortillas, topped off with shredded romaine lettuce and a homemade salsa of diced pineapple, corn and black beans tossed in a mango vinaigrette.

THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO ATE A HORSE.........SHE'S FULL OF COURSE!!!!

Capeo and Cirque

2008-03-07T07:29:00.001-08:00

Last night was date night..........we haven't had one of those in.....well I can't remember the last one. It has been some weeks. Went to Cirque Du Soleil Satimbanco http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/ . We also stopped at Ristorante Capeo
http://www.capeo.us/ down the street from the Alltell Arena. We had a spot right in the front of the restaurant in the nook right by the big window facing the street. We were able to people watch which is always fun.......especially when it is COLD and WINDY and calling for a winter storm warning in the south. Dinner was ok for the price. It should have been a lot better. I wouldn't go back. I had:
FRIED FISH
Calamari, Shrimp and Scallops dusted with Flour, fried crisp, and
Drizzled with Balsamic Vinegar
SPAGHETTI CARBONARA
An ancient Roman recipe. This Creamy Spaghetti dish is made with Egg,
Pancetta and Pecorino Cheese
HOUSE SALAD
Mixed Greens with Tomato and Onion tossed with a sweet

The Mr. Had:
THE HUNTER
A variety of sliced Italian meats served with the Chef’s
Own Grilled Italian Sausage accompanied with Condiments
PESTO ALLA CÁPEO
Chestnut Pasta, Broccoli and Potatoes laced with Pesto (a combination of
Basil, Pine Nuts and Parmigiano Reggiano)
Tuscan White Bean Soup
Then we shared a Tiramisu, which was the best part of the meal.

I Am A Marxine

2008-03-06T08:10:00.000-08:00

This was forwarded to me from my Aunt Mary Lou. I in NO WAY take credit for this but thought it was hysterical. Since it deals w/the very source of what I talk about I had to post it.

*Martha's Way* Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
*Maxine's Way * Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

*Martha's Way*To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
*Maxine's Way*Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

*Martha's Way*When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
*Maxine's Way*Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

*Martha's Way*If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
*Maxine's Way*If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

*Martha's Way*Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
*Maxine's Way*Celery? Never heard of it!

*Martha's Way*Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
*Maxine's Way*The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

*Martha's Way*Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
*Maxine's Way*Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

*Martha's Way*If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
*Maxine's Way*Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

*Martha's Way*Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
*Maxine's Way*Leftover wine??????????? HELLLLLOOOOO !!!!!!!

WTF

2008-03-04T13:53:00.001-08:00

And what is up with this???? People that call themselves vegetarians but still eat chicken or seafood. I guess if a shrimp doesn't scream it doesn't count???? Do you eat 5 shrimps or 5 shrimp....I guess it is the same a 1 deer or 25 deer or 1 fish or 100 fish. I don't know about you but I am bucking the system and I next time I am ordering 6 shrimps. Who decided there was no sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

A Picture Tale of Vegetarian Enchiladas~Pulp Fiction Style

2008-03-04T07:43:00.001-08:00

Grasping For Straws

2008-03-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

Sweet n "Saur" Cabbage Soup

Does anyone ever feel like Rachael Ray is sometimes just grasping for straws???? Today is one of those days where I am like "Why is she on the air". I don't know. I like cabbage and I even like sauerkraut but this to me is just "blah". It reminds me of Willy Wonka and when Charlie and his family have to eat cabbage water for supper every night. I am all for imagination when cooking but sometimes there are those recipes where you are thinking "WTF". She is also making a toasted cheeze w/pickles and mustard.......I am sure it IS delish but no thanks.

Tomato Paste Addendum

2008-03-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

In a previous post about my love of Tomato Paste in a tube......I did a verbal smack down on tomato paste in can. I believe I mocked the can stating "who ever uses a whole can of tomato paste anyway".........well apparently this Texas Red Enchilada sauce recipe is ONE of those few times you really DO use a can of tomato paste. Verbal correction noted.....fat mouth shut.

Weary Travelers Stuck In Dallas~Dinner Postponed

2008-03-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

Due to unforseen weather conditions our dinner guests are stuck in Dallas. Good thing everything I have is all able to wait it out. No biggie.

I am taking this time to make mexican tonight. I have been starving for enchiladas. I had been looking around for an enchilada sauce recipe and found one on recipezaar. It is called Texas Red Enchilada sauce. The stuff from a can is too salty and screws with your stomach too much and is filled w/all kinds of "whatchamacallits".

2 tablespoons butter or margarine
2 tablespoons flour
5 teaspoons red chili powder
1 1/2 teaspoons cumin
2 teaspoons garlic powder
6 ounces tomato paste
2 1/4 cups water
salt and pepper

Make a roux w/flour & butter. Add the rest and bring to a boil, then simmer until desired thickness. I am excited to make this. Plus, it is all stuff most of us have in the pantry. It has really good reviews so hopefully they aren't all a bunch of closet liars.

I make my enchiladas vegetarian....tonight I am filling them w/black beans, pinto beans, sauteed red/green/yellow pepper and corn.......some 2% cheddar and a little monterey jack and you have a pretty healthy meal......spinach salad on the side. I will post some pictures tonight.

Entertaining Menu

2008-03-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

Monday night my hubby has colleagues coming in from Omaha. It started out with me saying :Why don't you invite, M, T, J over for supper. Husband says: That sounds good, but I better invite S and K too. Me: ok. Then I get an email from my husband this morning ( he was at the park) and it states: M,T,J,S,K, T,W, J my wife and I would like to have you over for supper. We will be having fire grilled pizzas, salad and dessert. Me: uh, were did the extra 3 people come from??? That is 10 people including us. And who decided we were having pizza on the BGE???

Story of my life.

So now I have a monstrous container of dough resting in my fridge for tomorrow. I made this poppy seed dressing for a spinach salad w/dried cranberries and toasted pecans, I have espresso panna cotta cooling in the fridge for dessert. I am going to make Pizza Margherita, Pineapple and Ham Pizza and Pepperoni Pizza. I will be tossing pizza all night while everyone else is eating and enjoying themselves. Don't worry.......I WILL be sending him the bill. I feel like a friggin caterer. I feel like I have been cooking all weekend because I HAVE BEEN cooking all weekend. I really need to start sipping hot todies or toddy's or tody's....I don't know how you speel it.

Vegetarians and Vegans Cover Your Eyes and Ears

2008-03-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

Short Rib Bourguignonne

http://www.foodnetwork.com under The Rescue Chef

I made this today. It is wonderful. It was quick prep time but cooks for like 3 hours. It was delicious. The short ribs melted in your mouth. I basically ended up taking the meat off the bone (the meat really fell off the bone) and just broke it up into chunks and put it back in the sauce. I thickened the sauce up w/a little cornstarch into more of a gravy. I had added a whole package of baby carrots and extra celery and then we spooned this over asiago mashed potatoes and had green beans. The only thing that weirded me out was the marrow coming out of the end of the bones when I was searing them and the whole connective tissue and fat thing when I was taking the meat off. I am not vegetarian or vegan. I don't think Vegan is possible for me........I guess I am thoroughly convinced that most vegans just hate food. Don't stone me if you are vegan and this is not true. I can see giving up meat, I have done so in the past. But giving up eggs, cheese, cream, ice cream etc. No way. There IS NO WAY IN HELL. Some of those vegan substitutes spook me to no end. And soy......the beans are fine. You can pop them like candy......but I don't want soy dogs or soy cheeze or soy anything else. I don't want fakin bacon. I don't want tofurkey. Tofu is another thing I don't like. It is just plain WEIRD. Meat tends to gross me out on occassion and I could probably easily give it up again, and who knows what the future holds. I do get hungry for a steak now and again or a burger. I make chicken but could definately live w/out it. Bones, blood, skin, connective tissue, veins, and small pin feathers ick me to no end. BLAH! Anywho's, after getting past the whole meat thing......the taste of the short ribs WAS incredible. I mean......take a look at Moby.......you know who Moby is??? The singer.....Moby, who had the beef with Eminem. He looks sickly......when he was on Rachael Ray they went to his house and he showed his fridge open and the only thing he has in there are drinks and vitamins (he is vegan)......he truly looks like he needs a Triple Bacon Cheeseburger......all pale and sallow looking. I don't know. Don't send me hate mail PETA or PITA (pain in the ass) I am just merely thinking out loud here. I mean.....chickens have to lay eggs, it is what they do. Someone has got to eat them......how is that hurting a chicken by eating there egg??? My girlfriend once cracked an egg open for our breakfast and said "instant abortion". THANK YOU SO MUCH.........never looked at it that way before. Took me awhile to eat eggs again but I managed to bring them back into my diet. I never crack and egg w/out thinking that though. Perhaps that will be next weeks QUOTE OF THE WEEK...."Crack an egg, Have you had your instant abortion today".

Banana Banana Banana Terra Cotta Pie

2008-03-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

I consider this a food posting since the song is about Banana Banana Banana Terra Cotta Pie. System of a Down........such a good listen. Please click to your left for a sample. You WON'T be sorry! This has got to be one of my favorite songs hands down. Not because it is called Banana Banana Banana Terra Cotta Pie, that is just a bonus!

BGE Stromboli

2008-03-01T18:34:00.000-08:00

Stromboli on the BGE

I have been grilling so much pizza these last 3 months that I am beginning to think I need to change my name to Guido from the Bronx.

Vanilla Bean Scones

2008-03-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

Where the Frick did I put my Tonka Beans and Rolling Papers?????

Vanilla Bean Scones~The other day my wonderful son came home from work at Starbucks w/a Vanilla Bean Scone. It was divine. This weekend has been spent trying to recreate these morsels from heaven. I am close but not quite. Thanks to help from Tartellete, i probably speeled that wrong, on the vanilla bean measurements. And no, you don't want your men like you want your vanilla beans.....long, shriveled, slender with a crimp on the end~bad bad bad.

Hotcha Hotcha right out of the oven.

My attempt at trying to be as cool as fellow bloggers......it is giving me a headache. The pressure is too great. Remember that song......under pressure, bah bah dum dum, under pressure, bah bah dum dum.....guitar strrrrruuummmmmm

The recipe still needs some tweeking........I am out of some of my ingredients so it will be back to the drawing board tomorrow. My son said they were close but needed more vanilla bean......he also said that if I put more vanilla bean powder in them it will dry them out more???? I think I know where my tonka beans and rolling papers went.

EVIL EVIL HONEY DEATH BEAST HATE MUFFINS

2008-02-29T20:54:00.001-08:00

Sifting for Death Muffins.......at least we have a cool retro bowl to look at.

Right before Death Muffins hit the oven.....they look so innocent, Death Beast Hate Muffins

Don't they look YUMMY??? There was absolutely nothing wrong with this recipe. It would have been delicious had I realized prior to mixing and baking that I LOATHE HONEY. This was a sweet potato bread recipe w/a praline topping that I found on a fellow bloggers site "closet cooking". I will make this again and omit the honey. I love sweet potatoes. I used a canned organic sweet potato puree and the muffins turned out beautifully.

As you can tell.......I finally learned how to place my pictures on this program. It has only taken me like 150 posts and 5 months to figure it out. Perserverence my friend, perserverence. I figured it out myself too.....I don't need no stinkin help. Might take me 3 times as long, but you can bet your sweet bippy I won't forget how to do it now. I should have been a private investigator.....I never give up, NEVER. I could be a food investigator.....Inspector Clouseau, remember him??? Does this even make sense??? Hells to tha'no. What am I talking about??? I am clearly overtired and in need of a chocolate chip or something sweet from the pantry in order to shock me back into the "now". Or perhaps some sleep. Yes, sleep. I will dream of fluffy fluffy white frosting.......................................

There is a spell check button on this program......why why why don't I ever use it??

I FREAKEN HATE HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-28T17:55:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh..........I just finally realized that I friggin HATE honey. I HATE IT!!! This is really weird, I know. I don't dislike many things where food is concerned. In the last couple of months I had been experimenting w/granola's and some whole wheat baked goods w/mulitgrains and flaxmeal etc. Everytime I made most of these items I was not liking them. They ALL had this one background taste to them. I couldn't figure it out........was it the whole wheat??? was it the flaxmeal??? Were the ingredients tastes changing after they were warmed in the oven. I normally like whole wheat, I normally like multigrains, I have flaxmeal in my juice everyday..........what was making this taste???? hmmmmm Tonight I made these sweet potato muffins that have a glaze and a pecan praline crumbled on top. I went to take a bite and this hideous taste YET AGAIN........well there was no whole wheat, no multigrain stuff, no flax, no wheat germ...............VOILA..........it is the honey. All these items were made w/honey. It was quite apparent in this sweet potato muffin that it was the honey. I FREAKEN HATE HONEY, Holy Crap!!!!!! At least now the mystery is solved. Whew! Anybody have any good substitutions for honey out there????

Muncha Buncha Cruncha Cruncha

2008-02-27T19:23:00.001-08:00

MMMMmmmmmm muncha buncha cruncha cruncha.....crunch....crunch.....crunch

I MUST SCORE ME SUM O'THEEEESE

2008-02-25T19:35:00.000-08:00

I have come across a product that I feel I must seek out and try. I have been reading this great blog by Tartelette. She makes these incredible pastries that are fit for a jewelers window. She aint down here in da'hood like the rest of us. She had a posting about these Pineapple Almond Cheesecakes that she had whipped up and used a "Tonka Bean". Tonka Bean???? HUH??? Never heard of such a thing. I googled IMMEDIATELY. How dare there be a bean out there that I hath not tried.....and a bean for desserts yet. Wikipedia used words such as: perfumed, vanilla, almond, cinnamon, cloves, hypnotic fragrance, and then it went on to say: banned in the USA by the FDA, lethal, toxic and carcinogenic, coumarin and anti-coagulant, commonly used in tobacco, nasal snuff and pipe tobacco. Have I found the end all be all??? A bean that you can use in desserts, possibly end someones life with AND smoke.........say it ain't so, just say it ain't so. I gots to score me sum o'theeeeese beans. I can only imagine what these suckers would go for on the open air market street corner in North Little Rock......mama would git some change in her pocket, baby needs a new pair o'shoes. The hunt begins..............TONKA BEANS!

BBQ Chicken Pizza 2 Ways

2008-02-25T19:19:00.001-08:00

Saturday night was the usual Pizza on the BGE. I marinated my chicken in the lemon,evoo and toasted fennel seed and then grilled off. I then made one pizza w/bbq sauce, chicken, mozzarella, smoked gouda and fresh cilantro. The other version was bbq sauce, chicken, tipsy onions (carmelized onions cooked in shiraz-grenache, balsamic vinegar, brown sugar and a splash of sherry), mozzarella, manchego cheese, fresh cilantro. mmmmmm

And the answer to your questions is....YES, I am missing part of an eyebrow now thanks to that first picture of grilled chicken and I also now have bangs....or sort of.

Culinary Injury

2008-02-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

A fellow bloggers ankle injury reminded me of a funny story.........................

Back in 2003 I was residing in Apple Valley, CA at the edge of the Mojave dessert on one side and the El Cajon Pass on the other side. My husband was the Shop Director the BNSF railway at the Barstow Shop. He had a fellow shop director in from Montana and they were coming to our house for supper. We were just going to do a simple grill.........hot dogs and hamburgers. This was very informal and very last minute. I was furiously chopping red onion while my husband and said colleague were basking on the veranda with cool drinks........I look down and I am missing part of an appendage.......hmmm where did the other half of my thumb go???? It was just here a second ago. Now mind you, this severed thumb incident would have been an all out 4 alarm fire for most people.....MOST PEOPLE....I am not like most people. I don't freak over illness or injury too easily and can clear up most incidents w/holisitic remedies. I personally think that most people run to the doctor every time they fart sideways and I hate that. I am totally the opposite. I don't drag myself to the doc until I have exhausted every holistic remedy and they are engraving my tombtone plot. Of course, I could not up and leave this intricate dinner of hot dogs to drive myself to the E.R (hells to the no)........which this definately was an incident worthy of an E.R. A self-proclaimed foodie would NEVER leave her entertaining post, you go down with the ship, even if it was just hot dogs. I have standards, I have morals, I had an audience waiting for food.....well 2 people anyway and I guess 1 was my husband so he really didn't count. OK, so I had one person waiting for my culinary delight of hot dogs on the grill and trust me, this guy didn't look like he was starving either. So, I find the other half of my thumb, which was still attached....just dangling off, and I grab for the super glue. I superglue my thumb back on (which is what the ER would have done anyway, DUH) and wrap it up good and tight and continue on with my grilling feast. Hot dogs w/all the fixin's were superb.........there is nothing like a good Hebrew National Grilled Dog w/all the condiments.

Orgasmatron Cookies

2008-02-23T11:14:00.000-08:00

I was a little concerned at this point

Holy Crappola!

Perhaps Jacques Torres should rename his "French Kiss" cookies......"ORGASMIC COOKIES".

~one out one babies agree

Of course, who could argue with chocolate disks as big as your friggin head?????

V-I-R-G-I-N

2008-02-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, now I know this is how most men like their women and it is definately how Paul Newman likes his lemonade, but apparently this is how Williams and Sonoma like their Polypropylene. I had to run in for an oven thermometer and a new square baking stone and happened upon a grippboard......why not, I say. I get it home and start unwrapping it and it clearly states on the board that it is *drum roll puhleaze* brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrum

100% Virgin Polypropylene. I guess that means that my cutting board will be free of STD's and any other funky lurking stuff from down under.........fromundacheeze as some people say. For those of you that don't know........that is cheezefromundayourballs. Need I say more???

Assumptions Make an ASS out of You or I mean, ME

2008-02-22T12:25:00.000-08:00

King Arthur Flour Jacques Torres French Kiss Cookie Mix.

I don't usually buy a lot of mixes.......I try to make most from scratch so I can stay away from most of that added "whatchamajunk" they put in everything. I will save my "whatchamajunk" for McDonalds, Taco Bell etc. I am going to try and make these tonight w/Mr. Maxwell. He wants to make cookies since Daddy is coming home tonight.

Funny Story and a "DOH" moment: Looking on the back of the box it states.....1/2 cup butter, cookie mix, 1 large egg and bag of chocolate disks. Well, I assumed that since I have to provide the butter, egg, and bought the cookie mix that I had to provide the chocolate disks also. Well, you can clearly see in the picture that the chocolate portion "runs"...it doesn't stay in a disk. So, of course, w/out opening the box.....I call KAF and ask customer service if "chocolate disks" is there way of saying "chocolate chips" or was I supposed to buy special "chocolate disks". Because I don't know about you........but I don't have ANY chocolate chips in my pantry that are going to melt like that in the oven........they hold there shape......hence the "chip" part. The lady on the phone says "hmmm you don't have any chocolate disks in your box".....DOH...now WHY would a know it all self-proclaimed foodie open up the box prior to calling???? Only a sane person would do that. So I open the box up and the golden ticket presented itself......CHOCOLATE DISKS RIGHT ON TOP......FRICKING AMAZING........perhaps next time I should check before assuming. You know what they say about assumptions.........they make an ass out of you or I mean, ME. Lesson learned!!!!

Food In Da'Hood...The Rize and Fall and Rize of a Ghetto Blog

2008-02-22T10:22:00.001-08:00

I really didn't know what to write about today. This has been a pretty slow week where food is concerned. Hubby is away on business and I am not going to cook for a 4 year old and a 1 year old that eat about a tablespoon of food and then proudly proclaim they are done or "i don wike yat" (I don't like that). My 19 year old works most nights and will scavenge whatever is in the fridge in a ziploc container and whisk it up to his room like a hermit and eat it cold. I have had a few free moments the last couple of days to look at some other food blogs on blogger. I must of been in blog denial...........some of these sites are amazing. I look like ghetto blog compared to most of these........staged food, perfect pictures, desserts that look like they should be in a jewelry store window, comments galore on their sites. WOW to be like that. I felt inferior....thinking why am I even bothering. My blog is ghetto BIG TIME, this is too much pressure, no one really reads anyway, in the scheme of life is this really important???? No, perhaps I should quit blogging. Then I really got to thinking.....I didn't start doing this to "stage my food"........my food isn't fake. I am not making food for the readers. I make food for MY family and for MY creative outlet. I make food for US to enjoy not cyberspace. Don't get me wrong....it is nice to get comments good or bad, I don't get offended, but it is very easy to get caught up in this "my food needs to look picture perfect or I can't post it". I post everything.......the good, the bad, the ugly and the garbage. I think that is what sets me apart......I post my mistakes. I am not purrrrrfect. My food is not for magazines or tv.......my food is real. It comes out of the oven and we eat it like real people. I find a toasted cheeze just as interesting as a Filet w/a mushroom duxelle. I will crave a 'nilla wafer just as much as a light airy french macroon. I love going to McDonalds just as much as 1620 Restaraunt. I am the same no matter what I am eating or where I am eating. I am who I am. I say what I want....and post pics of what I want....I don't clean up my blog.......Of course, my favorite postings are ones that are about comical food experiences. I would much rather post a funny food story than a picture of something I have baked. But I am not a comic either........I can't just pull funny food stories out of my ass everyday of the week. Although that would be nice but not realistic. I started blogging to keep a food diary. My ultimate goal is to make homemade cookbooks to give each of my children when they leave the nest and I decided to start this blog so I would have an archive to pull from when I have the time to get this project started. The funny stories will just be an added bonus. Kind of like a huge food scrapbook. I think Snoop Dog would be proud.

~Of course, no one wants their food to look like a plate someone just threw up on either but it is what it is.

Scrumptious Supper~

2008-02-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

WHY Couldn't I Have Thought Of This????

2008-02-20T10:38:00.000-08:00

www.foodporn.com

When The Cat Is Away.....The Mice Make Mushroom Soup

2008-02-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

Whenever the hubby aka "coffee poser", has to go out of town on business, I usually make something I wouldn't dream of fixing when he is home. Hubby HATES mushrooms. Quite frankly, he hasn't given them a fair shake but that is a whole other story. I had picked up a Cook's Illustrated Magazine at Fresh Market a couple of weeks ago on Soups & Stews. They had a creamy mushroom soup in there which sounded delectable. I LOVE MUSHROOMS!!! Our 19 year old son likes mushrooms also.............so.........I made the soup this afternoon. It is filled w/shrooms, cream, sherry, shallots, garlic and chicken stock......then whirl w/immersion blender inside the hot pot. It is very tasty......not as thick as I was hoping for....but tasty nonetheless. A baby lettuce salad and some grilled ciabatta w/olive oil and rubbed w/garlic.

Tonight I have a good read.....I will nestle up w/my new book......courtesy of a friend's discount at Barnes Noble. Artisan Bread In Five Minutes a Day~The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking. I definately have a learning curve where bread is concerned. I am excited to dig into this book.

Note to Self: Sherry tastes pretty damn good straight out the bottle~what a pleasant surprise that WAS.

Foodie Pet Peeve (drum roll) FOUR

2008-02-19T09:05:00.000-08:00

LEMONS

Why is it when you order iced tea in a restaurant they always refill your glass of tea but NEVER EVER EVER bring a fresh lemon slice/wedge. NEVER.......they don't even offer. If my tea is gone....guess what einstein......so is the friggin lemon......the wedge is spent if I have squeezed it and slurrrrped all my tea down. DUH, why is this so hard??? I swear, if I was a waitress, which I am not and never have been and probably wouldn't last 1 day if I had to be, but I would give a fresh lemon wedge EVERYTIME I refilled a glass of tea or you can smack me on the ass and call me Mary.

...................................................................end of complaint

Just Food~

2008-02-18T08:45:00.000-08:00

Our Saturday night Pizza on the BGE ritual turned into Sunday night this week. Friday night was supposed to be Grilled Alaskan Salmon but my husband decided he wanted another Reuben, so that in turn pushed the salmon to Saturday and the pizza to Sunday. I put some crushed rosemary, dried thyme and roasted garlic powder in the dough and made just a plain tomato sauce w/ 2% mozzarella, 2% cheddar, smoked gouda and some asiago and then I made one with basil pesto, roma tomato, fresh mozzarella and asiago. The usual baby lettuce salad that we eat every night of the week and a strawberry italian soda. Leftover bread dough resulted in the semi-round baked concoction up above that I just filled with cinnamon filling from KAF and almond schmear from KAF.....rolled it up and brushed w/1 T butter, sprinkled sliced almonds and turbinado (raw) sugar over top and baked until it looked done.

Foodie Offends

2008-02-17T21:02:00.001-08:00

Some people can be soooooo sensitive. I am NOT one of those people. It takes a hell of a lot to offend me if you can do it at all. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.......I can agree to disagree and continue on with my conversation. I don't get my panties in a twist easily. About 5 years ago I worked for WPIC of UPMC (western psychiatric institute for university of pittsburgh medical center)........yes, I worked w/the crazies. This was actually my 3rd job with the crazies.....do you notice a pattern here hehehehe. Anyway.......this is a food story, really it is. We were going to have an office Christmas Party Potluck at one of the therapists' house. Since I was the office manager and the food officianado, I sent out the email and posted the sign up sheet on what to bring. I told everyone to think long and hard about their culinary selection. This one part-time therapist in the office w/a German heritage signs up to bring Pork & Sauerkraut........yes, you heard me right.........your eyes are not deceiving you........Pork & Sauerkraut. HUH?????? Is this a really bad joke????? Who signs up for an office Christmas Party Potluck to bring Pork & Sauerkraut???? Apparently she was going to go all out and bring it in a crockpot. Now mind you, I know she was of German Heritage but she wasn't just off the beer stein.........she was one of us.......she didn't speak German, she wasn't brought over here against her will at age 12......she was born and raised here.....she knows the rules, she should know the etiquette. People want bacon wrapped scallops, tricuits and assorted imported cheeses, cured meats w/a selection of olives and roasted peppers, spiced nutz, fondue, NOT PORK & SAUERKRAUT. I politely send out an email, not naming any names, but merely requesting that certain individuals rethink their selections for the office potluck and perhaps bring a dish with a bit more cheer, fun and merriment and not something that is going to stink up the joint like a bad case of gasssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Said woman gets ALL OFFENDED and boycotts Christmas Party. Sheeeeeesh, I should have been the one offended that someone was trying to bring Meat and Cabbage that smells like a rotten ass into my Festive Christmas Office Potluck. Did I get offended..........nooooooooooooo.........therapists can be sooooooo touchy. This same woman has a husband named "Garth"........who names their child Garth???? Need I say more??????? I think about this now and again and I still get a great chuckle out of this.